Do You Want the Truth?
by BrookeKerington29
Summary: An older and wiser Lance Sweets finds himself with a new set of patients who need his help and expertise. T for mature issues.
1. Casey: Week One

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bones or the songs. I do own the characters that Sweets speaks to. **

**Basically, an older and wiser Lance Sweets does therapy to members of the FBI and Jeffersonian as well as one child of the team. I did a story many months ago where Brennan had to get help from Sweets but he has to have other patients other than Brennan and Booth. While it will be set Monday to Friday over a six to nine week period I won't be updating every single day because I have school and you never know I might have to go out or be ill. All these are set in Early 2036.**

_There's a still in the street outside your window;  
You're keeping secrets on your pillow.  
Let me inside, no cause for alarm.  
I promise tonight not to do no harm,  
I promise you babe, I will do you no harm._

_Brandon Flowers - Crossfire_

_Casey – Monday 13:00_

Lance Sweets examined his diary for his patients for the week. They were all new since he managed to 'cure' his last batch. Sweets knew at least one of them since they were the daughter of one of his friends, the rest were agents or members of the Jeffersonian. Since the first patient had scheduled for Sweets' usual lunch break he had eaten early and was currently waiting for Special Agent Casey Donavan.

Sweets knew the circumstances in which Casey had to come to therapy, but he knew to tread carefully not to cause her alarm.

Sitting in his shrink chair as Agent Booth liked to call it, he tapped his pen on the clipboard when the door knocked.

"Come in." said Sweets. The door opened to reveal a woman of around thirty with dirty blonde hair and bright green eyes. "Agent Donavan, please do come in and sit down."

"Thank you Doctor Sweets, but I kind of prefer to be called Casey." said Casey walking in and removed her bag sat down.

"Okay, Casey, how have you been feeling?" asked Sweets.

"The nightmares are still around even with the Diazepam."

"Are they the same nightmare or just nightmares?"

"They're the same one and they are more memories than a nightmare."

"Memory of the incident?"

"I'd rather not talk about it now. I'd rather talk about some other stuff first."

"Okay," said Sweets sitting up. "I'll take the sessions at your own pace. There isn't any rush. You can talk about yourself for a while."

"Okay, I'm Special Agent Casey May Donavan, originally from Nebraska. I'm recently single and I have no children. I joined the FBI about five years ago. I cannot really say much more than that."

"Are your parents still alive?"

"My mom died last year and I am an only child so my dad doesn't get many visits since I moved to D.C. I call him every couple of days to see if he is okay. He's about the same age as you."

"I feel young for my age."

"I feel old." said Casey leaning back. "I'm nearly thirty and yet I feel thirty years older."

"I remember a television show, it was a Science Fiction show, and William Shakespeare asks the main character why he is a man that looks so young yet have eyes so old. The main character responds saying that he does a lot of reading."

"Is supposed to mean I am wise beyond my years?"

"It could be."

Casey looked at her fingers for a moment before saying "I don't like being older than I am."

"Not a lot of people do but some people embrace it." said Sweets. "Have you recently spoken to your gynaecologist?"

"I need a new one." answered Casey.

"How come?"

"Doctor Phillips got transferred to Serbia or Liechtenstein or somewhere in Europe. It means I have to brief the new one about what happened."

"You said you are recently single." said Sweets making a note on his clipboard.

"Yeah. My boyfriend, Caleb, and I broke up about three weeks ago."

"Was it about your inability to have children?"

"Cutting right to the chase are we Doctor Sweets?" said Casey smiling slightly.

"Am I going to fast?"

"No, it's fine. No we didn't break up over my inability to have kids. It was over the fact that he cannot deal with my trauma."

"He couldn't deal with your trauma?"

"I keep having moments where I space out." explained Casey. "Also I flinch every time a car or a motorbike backfires. You know that really loud bang they make."

"Yeah I know."

"Caleb never wanted kids anyway. It isn't like I cannot have kids, it's just that it will be hard. Do you have kids?"

"I have a daughter. She's in college. Have you ever wanted a child?"

"You know when you are a little girl and you start planning your life out?"

"A little. I suppose you planned out your wedding?"

"Since I was four and used a pillowcase as a veil and 'married' my friend's brother. It wasn't a legal marriage but it was sealed with a Haribo ring." Casey explained smiling slightly. "I wanted three children, two girls and a boy. I even decided their names."

"Do you feel like you cannot have a relationship because of your difficulties?"

"A little. I think it is more about having to explain why I struggle to conceive. I mean when you were shot in the uterus a couple of times, you don't want to explain what happened do you."

"I wouldn't."

"It's not something you would tell someone on a first date. Imagine you're in a French or Italian restaurant, your discussing I don't know what you want out of life, and then you go and tell them you cannot have children. It seems too personal for a first date."

Casey sighed and looked at her watch. "So how many sessions do you need?" asked Sweets.

"I don't know. Six, seven?" said Casey. "You said that we could go at a slow pace."

"We could go at any pace you want. We could be here until July next year if you wanted to."

"So how much is each session?"

"Because I am an FBI physiologist, I don't get paid by the patient. My job is basically to assess whether agents or members of the Jeffersonian are fit for duty and criminals though that has become less significant recently. It is very rare I get patients who are not either agents or people of the Jeffersonian."

"So you are assessing whether I should go back into the field or not?"

"That is why we're are here. I'm not here to judge or say you are insane. It is extremely rare that I get insane people."

"So if I come regularly and tell you about what happened you'll clear me for duty?"

"It's not a case of you tell me about the incident, I know what happened. It is about how it has affected you and how you process it. While it'll take more than three sessions to make my mind up about whether you are ready to go back into the field but each session is fifty minutes so we have time to talk. You can call me whenever you want to as well." explained Sweets. "Do you need me to go through it again?"

"No I understand. This was just a preliminary meeting right?" asked Casey.

"Yeah. This is just us getting to know each other."

"Okay. Is that going to be it for the day?"

"Yeah. So next Monday at one then?"

"Next Monday at one."


	2. Molly: Week One

_The future teaches you to be alone.  
The present to be afraid and cold,  
So if I can shoot rabbits,  
Then I can shoot fascists.  
Bullets for your brain today,  
But we'll forget it all again.  
Monuments put from pen to paper,  
Turns me into a gutless wonder._

_Manic Street Preachers – If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will be Next_

_Molly - Tuesday 16:00_

Sweets had decided to do this as a favour for a friend. Wendell 's eighteen year old daughter Molly had been diagnosed with clinical depression and had attempted suicide twice. While she was accepting to see a therapist, she wanted to talk to Sweets only. She wouldn't trust anyone else.

"Doctor Sweets?" said a girl poking her sandy blonde head through the door.

"Molly, hey, come in." said Sweets opening the door for her wider. Molly had a broken arm from her first attempt. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know. Tired. The tranquilisers the doctor gave me keep weighing me down." she answered removing her bag from her shoulder.

"You still have to take tranquilisers?" asked Sweets leading her to the couch.

"I cannot sleep without them." Molly said sitting down.

"Do you have nightmares?"

"No, it's just for my anxiety."

"Do you have panic attacks?" asked Sweets, his concern increasing.

"No but I get anxious so much I cannot sleep."

"I'm just going to come out and ask this: why did you want me instead of another therapist?"

"I don't want to discuss my problems with someone I don't know. I have seen other therapists but one was a dinosaur, the other was a retard and the last one pushed me. I know you won't push me and I know that this is wrong since I am not a member of the FBI or Jeffersonian but I trust you."

"Do you have trust issues with adults?"

"Not so much that I don't trust adults but I don't like strange people knowing my business."

"Okay. So is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Like what?"

"Well, before you attempted to kill yourself the second time, your dad raised some concerns with me and I said it could be possible that you are depressed because of the amount of trauma you had in the last year."

"So stuff like Jasmine becoming ill, me miscarrying?"

"Yes among other stuff." said Sweets.

Molly looked at her arm and the drawing on the cast.

"You can even talk about how you were feeling before you rode yourself into a car." said Sweets.

"I had a really bad day, and I mean really bad. I got told that I had failed another class and if I wanted to keep my scholarship then I needed to buck my ideas up. Also Billie-Jane Portman had really pissed me off." explained Molly. "She has a vendetta against me because I said something in health class like months ago that I didn't even know about and she seems to think that I implied she was a slut."

"God how I miss high school." said Sweets.

"By the end of the day I just had enough. I got on my bike and started to think about all the crappy things and before I knew it I was speeding up and the next thing I remember I was in the ambulance with a brace on my neck."

"So that first suicide attempt was a spur of the moment?"

"I guess. I didn't exactly wake up that morning thinking that I was going to ride my bike into a car." said Molly leaning back against the couch.

"When do you get your cast off?"

"Tomorrow. I know my arm has been fixed for a week but the doctor hasn't been open over the New Year." she answered. "I've kind of gotten used to the cast to be honest."

"I remember being about ten and I had fallen out of a tree. I had broken my leg and I grew attached to the cast it was in. I became a part of me."

"It itches like hell though." said Molly.

"True. I want to ask what had happened before your second attempt. You had been drinking according to Jasmine." said Sweets putting his index fingers to his lips.

"I keep a bottle of vodka in my room. Don't ask how I got it. I just felt like my parents didn't really care that my arm was broken. I now know it isn't true but I was just so depressed I thought that life wouldn't be different without me." explained Molly with tears beginning to form in her eyes. Sweets pulled a tissue from his pocket and handed it to Molly. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to sorry in here. Especially not for crying." Sweets said reassuringly. "Have you talked to your parents about this?"

"I told Dad what happened the second time but it was to explain why I called my sister a spoilt little shit. Sorry." she apologised again.

"You seem to be very apologetic."

"I don't tend to swear in front of adults. I feel like I am disrespecting them."

"Do you have a good relationship with your parents?"

"Yeah."

"How about your siblings, how is your relationship with them?"

"I have a good relationship with both Jasmine and Will. I saw Will over Christmas."

"Does he know about your recent problems?"

"I remember Christmas Eve, we had gone to Grandma's and I just could tell he knew that I wasn't well. I felt guilty because he is out at war and I am complaining about stuff that doesn't even measure up to what he has seen."

"Don't you think the guilt you are feeling contributes to your depression?"

"I guess. Over Christmas I felt more depressed than ever. My cousins seemed happy, Jasmine was happy. I tried to put on a brave face for everyone's sake but I think I ended up crying in the bathroom. Mom had noticed I had disappeared and she stayed with me until I had stopped crying." explained Molly.

"How do you stop yourself when you cry?"

"I just stop. Once I have gotten it out I just stop naturally."

"What did your mom say while you were crying?"

"She held me and told me she was here." said Molly. "So… What are these sessions going to be about?"

"Well, I've been making notes about what I already know and what you have told me. I think we should break down some of the causes of your depression. Maybe next week, we could talk about your sister's illness and maybe the worries you have about Will being in a war zone." explained Sweets.

"I didn't say I had worries about Will." said Molly looking confused.

"I can tell. You said you feel guilty about having problems that you think don't measure up to being in a war zone. You're worried that Will is going to get hurt or worse, killed."

"You want me to talk about my brother and sister?"

"We can talk about whatever you want but I thought since they were the earlier triggers, we could start there."

"Okay. I can deal with that. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Am I going to need antidepressants?"

"Antidepressants aren't recommended by the FDA for minors. Given that you are a suicide risk and the fact that within the first two months of taking them suicide rates increase, I'm going to suggest keeping you on the Ativan for your sleeping troubles."

"Okay, I can deal with that."

"Okay, I am going to ask you to do me a favour. I can only do this if you do not threaten or attempt suicide. If you break this, then I am going to have to recommend a specialist and possibly institutionalising you." Sweets said firmly.

"I'll try. I promise." said Molly.

"Okay good. I also want you to talk to your parents. They love you and want you to be happy, so talking to them about how you feel won't make you feel alone."

"Okay."


	3. Hamza: Week One

_You wear your religion like a war sweater.  
You ask for the truth, but you know you could do so much better,  
And you sat on your fences, you screamed no retreat.  
So what will your legacy be?_

_WakeyWakey! - War Sweater_

_Hamza – Wednesday 11:00_

Sweets was typing up the notes he had made about Molly the previous day when he heard the door knock. He glanced at the clock in the corner of his computer screen and realised that his next appointment, a Muslim man called Hamza Ahmed, was here and on time.

Sweets got out of his desk chair and walked to the door. Hamza was in his late forties and worked in the Egyptology department as a lecturer at the Jeffersonian.

"Professor Ahmed, do come in." said Sweets with a smile on his face.

"Doctor Sweets." said Hamza looking rather doleful. He walked in and sat on the sofa.

"So, sir, what may I do you for?" asked Sweets sitting in his shrink chair.

"I need to be cured." answered Hamza.

"Cured? Cured of what?" asked Sweets.

"Homosexuality."

"Homosexuality isn't a mental disorder Professor. I assume you are gay."

"To be gay means to be happy."

"You don't feel happy. I'm not sure what I can do for you if I am going to be frank."

"I know that hormones secreted in the brain can cause these feelings. I was wondering if you could stop it."

"Right… Sexuality isn't something that can be cured. This seems to be more of a moral issue than a psychological one."

"I cannot go to my Imam. I am scared I will be judged and be condemned for talking about homosexual thoughts. More than I am for having and committing them."

"Committing them? You mean you have engaged in sexual acts with another man?" asked Sweets looking astounded.

Hamza looked down at his shoes in shame. Sweets could tell the answer would be a yes and the guilt that this man in front of him was really evident. This really was a dilemma.

"How far have you gone in terms of intercourse?" asked Sweets resting his cheek on his hand.

"I have had intercourse with a man." answered Hamza.

"How long have you known that you had these feelings?"

"I think I always known. Since I was a teenager and those hormones started raging."

"And you have not decided to confront these feelings until now?"

"I'm having an affair with a man."

"Are you in a relationship with a woman?"

"I'm married to a woman and I have two children. The man I am having an affair with is one of the assistants in the Medico – Legal lab." explained Hamza.

"Right. So this is a massive dilemma. Not just for you but your wife, family and your lover."

"And my conscience and my soul." said Hamza rather deep paned.

"Does your religion define who you are?" asked Sweets.

"I am devout, I go to mosque on a Friday and I pray five times a day."

"You don't eat pork either?" asked Sweets attempting some humour.

"No. Pigs are unclean animals."

"Do you think you are unclean because of your homosexual feelings?" asked Sweets.

"Any desire of sorts out of marriage is an unclean thing. _For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds... And we rained down on them a shower of brimstone._"

"Is that from the The Qur'an?" asked Sweets.

"Yes. The man I am having an affair with is a Christian. I have read the Bible – I read other religious texts to understand what they're about and to gain a respect for them – and I see that his religion is just as against being a homosexual."

"_If a man has sex with another man, kill them both_. Leviticus chapter twenty verse thirteen."

"You have read the Bible?"

"I just read for psychological reasons."

"I thought so. You don't come off as a religious man." said Hamza. "Do you have a family?"

"Yeah I do. I have a wife and daughter. What are your children's name?"

"Shabnam and Hakim. My wife is called Zainab. We've been married for over twenty years." explained Hamza.

"So how did you and your male lover meet?" asked Sweets.

"At a Christmas party about two years ago. Kale flirted with me for a couple of months before I began to get annoyed with him and his flamboyance. When he confronted me about it… I kissed him."

"Was your annoyance to do with your religions stance on homosexuality or because of your own repressed desires?"

"I guess both."

"I didn't want to ask you this earlier, but what country are you from? Your accent isn't American."

"I moved here with my family from Iraq just after the American and British occupation. It isn't illegal to be a homosexual in Iraq, but it is still a social taboo. I find it really ironic that a country which claims to be the home of the free still doesn't allow same sex marriages."

"Are you for same sex marriages?"

"I'm not homophobic. I just don't want to be like I am. My soul is depending on this."

"Don't you think Allah would want all people to live in love?"

"As long as it is a man or woman. _Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquillity and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses_."

"Do you love your wife?" asked Sweets.

"Maybe when I married her. At least I thought I did."

"Are you questioning your love for Zainab recently or has it always been there since you got engaged?"

"It is only recent."

"Would this be because of your relationship with Kale?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, Professor. I think what you needed is someone to talk to. Someone who won't judge you and is confidential. Your issue, like I have said, is not psychological. This affects more than just you. This affects your whole family: your wife, mother, father, siblings and children."

"Zainab will be disgraced because of it."

"Maybe I can help you. I can guide you until you feel you are ready to admit the truth."

"I don't want to admit the truth!" said Hamza firmly.

"Sexuality is a part of who we are. We cannot change that. No matter what we do."


	4. Robert: Week One

_Help them to learn (help them to learn),  
Songs of joy instead of burn, baby, burn (burn, baby burn).  
Let us show them how to play,  
The pipes of peace.  
Play the pipes of peace._

_Paul McCartney – Pipes of Piece_

_Robert – Thursday 14:00_

Sweets' next patient, Robert Williams, was late. Sweets wasn't bothered by the fact since he had no other patients for the day, but he has an issue with punctuality.

Robert had been recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Since it was still in the early stages, Sweets had to assess whether Robert, a man who was in his late fifties, was fit to continue work at his desk.

Sweets got off the phone following a discussion with one of his patients' doctor when he heard a grumble. He walked over to the door and found Robert standing there looking confused. A woman was standing next to him.

"Mr and Mrs Williams, do come in." said Sweets letting them pass. "How are you feeling?"

"Anna, who is this?" asked Robert.

"This is Doctor Sweets. He is here to check if you are okay to work." said Anna.

"Oh, how do you do?" asked Robert offering his hand to Sweets. Sweets shook Robert's hand and the couple sat on the sofa.

"So how have you been since you were diagnosed?" asked Sweets sitting in his chair.

"I have been fine." answered Robert. "I mean I do forget where I park the car, but doesn't everyone?"

"I know I do." said Sweets.

"He's also forgotten where everything is in the kitchen." said Anna. "He keeps rearranging the pans and the cutlery."

"The knives and forks don't belong in the cupboard?" asked Robert.

"No Robert." said Anna.

"Well, how are coping with the diagnosis?" asked Sweets.

"I don't think it has gotten into my head yet." answered Robert.

"I had a look at your scans and the results of your MMSE –" started Sweets.

"MMSE?" asked Robert.

"Mini Mental State Examination. It was the test where they sometimes assess the severity of your illness. Your score came out at twenty two." answered Sweets.

"Is that good?" asked Anna.

"It means that it isn't serious yet. Alzheimer's is a chronic illness that will shrink your brain." said Sweets.

"I thought it was a memory thing." said Robert.

"It is." said Sweets getting out of his seat and pulled out two MRI scans. "This one is a brain without complications for example a brain tumour." said Sweets presenting the scan with a fairly normal brain. "This one is a brain in the late stages of Alzheimer's." Sweets said pushing forward one with a shrunken brain."

"Isn't there trials for Alzheimer's cures?" asked Anna.

"Yes there are but you have to be in a certain criteria and there are risks. I know one man hid his heart condition from the doctors and when they had put the active agent into his brain it triggered a heart attack and he died." explained Sweets.

"So it isn't a good idea?" asked Anna.

"There is no guarantee that the trials will work." said Sweets. "They sometimes use a placebo in place."

"So what do I do just leave it?" asked Robert.

"There have been advancements in medication for Alzheimer's so people have lived longer. This isn't something that can be cured. I'm sorry." said Sweets.

"You don't have to be sorry." said Robert.

"If you don't mind Mrs Williams, I would like to speak to Robert on his own." said Sweets.

"No problem." said Anna walking out of the room.

"Robert, how are you personally feeling about this?" asked Sweets as soon as the door closed.

"I feel like I am not going to make it to my sixty fifth birthday. I fear that I am not going to remember my children or even my wife." answered Robert. "I struggle to remember certain events. On Christmas morning just gone, I came downstairs and found my grandson around the Christmas tree opening his presents. I told him off because I thought it wasn't Christmas day yet but Anna showed me the calendar and because we cross each day off I realised I was wrong."

"Do you find yourself remembering something else from the past instead?"

"I was in the Afghan invasion after 11th September. I have been remembering what I saw more now than I had done before."

"I have a friend who went to Afghanistan years ago. He is also works here."

"Seeley and I met each other then. He was focused at first – I think he talked of a woman back here before that but he was focused until he met that flaming journalist woman."

"You don't like journalists?"

"I prefer journalists who don't stalk people or do stupid things to get a story. They just piss me off."

"I will admit I am not a fan of them either. I've had issues in the past with them." said Sweets. "So what do you see when you remember such events?"

"It is more of a whole senses thing. I see and hear the explosions. I smell the burning flesh. I touch sharp things trying to get my way out and I taste the dust."

"So you are not just remembering it, you are reliving it?"

"Yes."

"Do they scare you?"

"Yes, I have been cowering in the corner trying to hide from the visions." said Robert.

"Have you told Anna about this?"

"No, she just finds me and comforts me."

"How is your marriage since the diagnosis?" asked Sweets.

"I think she gets frustrated sometimes. Like with the pans and cutlery. She knows that I don't do it purpose but you would be frustrated if I cannot remember simple things. Even I get frustrated."

"How have your children take to the news?"

"We haven't told them yet. Only Pippa knows and that is it. Pippa is my grandson's mother and she visited us over the holidays. She saw the whole 'it is not Christmas' debacle."

"How did your grandson react to you saying is not Christmas?"

"Like any four year old would, he looked at me in confusion."

"Okay, I still need more sessions to assess your suitability but I think so far it is just spacing out with the occasional memory and from your job reports it isn't affecting you as much as it would be if this was a more advanced type which, in spite of the medication, will come."

"Is this just going to be talking?"

"Pretty much. This is what therapy is about. You talk about your issues and I analyse them."


	5. Amie: Week One

_This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am.  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am.__  
It's not like you to say sorry,  
I was waiting on a different story.  
This time I'm mistaken,  
For handing you a heart worth breaking.  
And I've been wrong, I've been down,  
Been to the bottom of every bottle.  
These five words in my head.  
Scream "are we having fun yet?"_

_Nickleback – This is How you Remind me_

_Amie – Friday 14:00 _

Sweets' latest appointment was a last minute booking. Amie Harris had been forced by her boss to go to therapy because he thought she was suffering from some sort of mental illness and to be working in security at the Jeffersonian they needed to be focused.

The woman was leaning back against the sofa, clearly uninterested in the session. Amie had been there for about fifteen minutes and had not said anything since she walked in. Sweets could see there was a problem. The brown hair was limp and thin and she looked ill.

"I don't see why I am here Doctor Sweets. I'm perfectly fine." said Amie.

"You were behaving erratically while on duty. Considering that the collection in the Jeffersonian is more than ten million dollars in worth, that isn't something that should be taken lightly." said Sweets.

"I don't remember a lot of it."

"Your boss found a bottle of vodka in your draw… Care to explain that?"

"Watching old things is not what I call entertainment."

"Then why did you become part of a security team?"

"Do you remember _Night at the Museum_?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I was convinced that they would come to life. Even when I joined the team."

"So you drink to make things more entertaining for yourself?"

"Pretty much."

"How much do you drink in a week?"

"About two bottles of vodka, a beer or two and maybe a bottle of wine." answered Amie.

"You do know that is really dangerous?"

"I'm not really bothered to be honest."

"Amie, you need to be bothered about this. Being dependent on alcohol will seriously affect your health." said Sweets.

"Look, I know how to control my intake of alcohol." said Amie. "I'm going to be fine."

"When did you start drinking?" asked Sweets.

"About a year ago." said Amie. "I had a breakdown in relationships before I began drinking so."

"Breakdown in relationships?" asked Sweets. "Do tell."

"Basically, I got divorced, I had an argument with my parents and I severed ties with my siblings." explained Amie. She looked up with sad brown eyes.

"So you use alcohol as a surrogate for your relationships?" asked Sweets.

"I guess but I am not dependent on alcohol. I honestly am not."

"The first step is admitting it."

"You sound like an Alcoholics Anonymous counsellor."

"I had to observe one once for a friend. I would suggest you go to the meetings but this problem seems to be more psychological rather than just dependence."

"I am not dependent on alcohol."

"Do you need a drink now?"

"No of course not." Amie insisted. "Look, I said I could control myself, so I am fine. I just get bored while at work. It's just a bit of fun."

"This 'just a bit of fun' is going to affect your health in the long run. You can develop liver disease or alcohol hepatitis, even oral cancer. Alcohol is very dehydrating so if you don't drink water you are going to suffer a lot of headaches." explained Sweets. "It can have effects on your heart as well. If you throw up and you swallow it, it can cause lung problems and maybe lead to a heart attack."

"I know the risks." said Amie firmly. "You may be a shrink but you don't half go on and on and on."

"That it is my job." said Sweets. "It is also my job to help you

"Help me? So far you have been giving me a lecture about how I am going to suffer physically because I like a drink!" shouted Amie as she stood up sharply. "Do you patronise all you patients like this? Do you always treat them like a child?"

"No. I don't treat my patients like children. I am not patronising you. I'm just trying to help." Sweets said calmly.

Amie looked at him. She was half expecting him to shout back at her but his cool and calm response she did not expect. She sat back down and folded her arms.

"I'm thirty eight years old. I am a single mom and I have a shrink claiming he can help me. Doctor Sweets you are going to have one hell of a job trying to help me." said Amie.

"You have a child?"

"A son, Adam. What about you?"

"I have daughter."

"Feel like you could strangle them?"

"No, she is a very easy child."

"Adam is the bane of my life sometimes. He acts too grown up. Rather than actually being a teenager, he acts like the parent."

"Does he keep telling you that he thinks you have an alcohol dependency?"

"Yes… You are exactly like him only forty years older." said Amie.

"I've always been rather mature for my age. Do you think you want to regain your teenage years?" asked Sweets.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, your life and relationships have been deteriorating as you approach middle age, maybe you would like to return to the days where you were young and carefree, and the only way you can do that is by drinking."

"I don't know. Is this the only session that I have to do?"

"No; you have to do this Amie, whether you like it or not. We have to break down the reasoning behind your alcoholism. Also, I believe you could benefit from going to the doctor for a liver screening and maybe you could attend the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings."

"Why just to hear about other people's hard lives?"

"Maybe you could learn from them."

"Fine, but don't expect me to be co-operative."


	6. Casey: Week Two

_Casey – Monday 13:00_

Casey seemed to be quite surprisingly calm considering why she was in therapy. Sweets thought this was a coping method to distract her from her ordeal but he could be wrong.

"So how was your week?" asked Sweets.

"It was good. A little boring but suppose I am more used to being out in the action." answered Casey. "On the plus side I get access to the staplers."

"Have you met your new gynaecologist yet?"

"Um… Yeah, I tried to explain what Doctor Phillips told me when I woke from my coma, but I could not really explain. How do you explain how you managed to get yourself shot in the stomach and lived?"

"It isn't easy I know. I've had trauma which I have not wanted to tell people about. I was hurt but I've gotten better?"

"How did you get better? Did you see a therapist?" asked Casey.

"No, I met my wife." answered Sweets.

"Wife?" asked Casey. "I thought you were gay? I've known you for a few years and you never seem to talk about your wife."

"I tend to keep my private life away from my work. The last time that happened, I lost my fiancée."

"You were engaged before?"

"Yeah, she was called Daisy. A serial killer had gone crazy and decided to kill the loved ones of the men investigating his murders. He blew up a church and quite a few people got hurt. Daisy was crushed so she couldn't be saved." explained Sweets.

"It must have broken your heart."

"It did." said Sweets. "When Caleb broke up with you, did it break your heart?"

"We were together for about four or five years so I guess that he did break my heart. He kept being distant after I was discharged and I thought he was going to ask me to marry him. God was I shocked when he said he was leaving me." said Casey. "We met in Manhattan about six years ago while I was working at the United Nations as a Personal Assistant and I had been sent to get coffee. Caramel latté with cream and coco powder. Caleb ordered the same and he was next to me so one the serving woman called the order out, we both reached out to grab it and we bickered over it. I said I ordered first and he said he ordered first. A couple of days later the same happened and then it happened again and again for the next three months or so."

"Was that your relationship? Coffee?"

"I guess. I don't like coffee to be honest. It tastes too bitter." said Casey. "After about the fiftieth time, he asked me out on a date and I said yes. It all was normal up until I was shot."

"Where was he when you woke up from your coma?" asked Sweets.

"I'm not sure because I was very hazy after I had woken up." said Casey. "He was there when I got told I couldn't have kids."

"I never asked this last week: how did you feel when you were told about your fertility problems?" asked Sweets.

"I felt like my heart was pulled out of my chest and it had been set on fire, like in _The Temple of Doom_. God I hated that movie. It scared the shit out of me as a child." said Casey. "It's funny because Indiana Jones made me want to have adventures. Not like going to different countries but more like a James Bond at home thing."

"Did you feel like your heart was ripped out when Caleb broke up with you?" asked Sweets. He leaned back in his chair and tapped his pen on his clipboard.

"Totally. I mean did you feel like your heart was ripped out when Daisy died?" asked Casey.

"Yeah, but like I said you can get over that bridge once you find someone. Yes, I will never forget Daisy. I never meant to find someone as soon as I did but maybe that was a blessing." said Sweets. "You will be able to move on from Caleb. To be honest, I think he is a jerk."

"You do?"

"He abandoned you when you were at your most vulnerable and when you needed help and support. That doesn't seem like a good person to me."

"He is a good person; he just cannot cope with problems. You know what the worst thing about him breaking up with me was?"

"No." said Sweets.

"It was Christmas Eve. We had go to Nebraska to visit my dad for the holidays and I had blanked out for a moment. Caleb then yelled at me to snap out of it and then we had a fight. By the end of it, he had packed his bags and went back to D.C. I just ended up eating some confectionary while watching _The Charlie Brown Christmas Special_." said Casey.

"I prefer _It's a Wonderful Life_ to be honest. Dumped of Christmas Eve… I actually do not like Caleb even more." said Sweets.

Casey smiled slightly and looked at her phone. "I guess he is a jerk to be honest. I thought he was a jerk when I met him and I guess that if he left me when I needed the help the most." said Casey. "I could have done better according to my dad."

"Doesn't every father say that?" asked Sweets.

"As a father, don't you think that?"

"Well, Allie hasn't had that many boyfriends so I am not that bothered." said Sweets. "Does your father support you or do you have any friends to help you?"

"Yeah, I have my best friend Alice as a roommate and she usually snaps me out of my traces or when I go crazy and start screaming in the middle of the night." said Casey. "The trances tend to happen more after a nightmare rather than just happening on a whim."

"Have you stopped taking you medication?" asked Sweets.

"A little. I only take it when I need it rather that just every night." said Casey. "I think our session is over Doctor Sweets."

"We still have five more minutes left."

"No I have to get back to work, but I'll see you next week?"

"Sure. I'll see you next week."


	7. Molly: Week Two

_Molly – Tuesday 16:00_

Sweets stared at the young woman sitting in front of him. Molly's cast had been removed however the doctor at the hospital had called Sweets, having been informed of the arrangement, in regards to Molly's weight.

"Do you need to ask me something Doctor Sweets?" asked Molly.

"What makes you think that I need to talk to you about something?" asked Sweets.

"There is an elephant in the room."

"Your doctor called me a couple of days ago. She has some concerns about your weight loss."

"Weight loss?"

"She said that your ribs are visible under your skin."

"I have always been rather thin. It isn't like I starve myself."

"Your weight went in at one hundred pounds. For someone like you who is about five foot four inches that is dangerously low."

"Maybe it is something to do with my sudden lack of interest in food." said Molly.

"Do you have any personal issues with food?"

"No. I just don't enjoy food. To me food is a necessity." said Molly looking at her fingers. "I used to do ballet so I had a specific diet which I still keep to. I don't tend to eat fats."

"Do you have any personal feelings towards your body?"

"Are you trying to insinuate that I have an eating disorder?"

"Eating disorders can be a side effect of depression." said Sweets. Molly looked at him blankly before Sweets smile at her softly. "I'm not trying to insinuate that you have an eating disorder, but depression can lead to a lot of things and I can see you have lost a lot weight."

"I think that my body is fine. Both Mom and Jasmine are thin as well so it isn't like I stick out like a sore thumb."

"Okay, but your doctor wants you to maintain a balanced diet which includes fats. I'm going to give you a food diary and when you have eaten at least one from each food group a day, you write what you ate." said Sweets. "So did you talk to your parents like I suggested?"

"One night I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs to watch television. Dad was down there already and he made me some rice pudding and we talked. See, I told you I eat."

"Did you speak about how you felt?"

"Yeah, I spoke about how I felt about Jasmine."

"In general or just about her having pneumonia?"

"Sort of general." answered Molly. "I was eleven when she was born so I kind of play the third parent."

"How did you feel when your parents said you were having a brother or sister?"

"I was shocked at first. I mean my parents weren't young anymore, I had gotten used to being the only child in the house and I didn't like the idea of having to share my dad with anyone. I was Daddy's little girl; I guess I still am really. Eventually I came around to the idea. Let's face it Jasmine can make anyone love her. Even as a baby."

"Are you jealous of the attention she gets?"

"A little. I remember coming home one night about two, three weeks before I attempted suicide the first time. I had been to a party where I had been drinking a lot. I'd also been around people who had been smoking. I don't smoke, but when I came home way past my curfew, Dad was waiting up with me and he wasn't happy. We had a bit of a heated discussion before he sent me to bed and told me not to go near Jas smelling of smoke. I said that it was all about Jasmine."

"How did you feel when she went into hospital?"

"I was worried sick. She was four and very small and I just couldn't think straight. I remember seeing her in the hospital bed when she had fallen into a coma. One of her lungs collapsed and her body went it shock. Jas looked tiny in that hospital bed surrounded by machines. When they said she has severe pneumonia and showed her x-ray of her lungs, I thought she was going to die." explained Molly.

"Generally, what relationship do you two have because the age gap being so wide between you would cause some problems?" asked Sweets.

"We're quite close. If Jasmine gets scared of the thunder at night then she'll stay in my room. I love her to pieces but I do think she is a pest at the same time."

"Do you think Will felt the same thing about you? You are about ten years apart."

"I guess. I mean I know he loves me; he even said that he wanted a younger sister. Will was always there to give me a cuddle if Mom and Dad weren't there when I was little. When Mom was ill he'd check if I was okay all the time."

"This is going to sound strange, but do you think there was a part of Will that didn't like you because you had a dad and he didn't."

Molly paused for a moment and got up. She walked up to the window and looked out. Sweets could see how much weight Molly had lost.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Sweets.

"I remember asking that question to Will when I was about seven. I had managed to annoy Will somehow and when I went to talk to him about it, I asked if he hated me because he didn't have a dad and I did. I knew that I had touched a nerve with him because I remember him going white." answered Molly.

"He was angry?"

"No. In fact he told me to sit next to him. He explained how Dad – despite biology – will always be Will's dad. Dad raised him. Will did say that he wished that his biological dad hadn't died because he wanted to get to know him."

"Was there any favouritism?"

"No, Dad treated us both the same."

"When your mom was ill, did it change the relationship between you and Will?"

"Like I said he used to check if I was okay all the time. I mean Mom was too sick to anything so Will had to step up and help. He picked me up from school, cooked while Dad worked and looked after Mom."

"How do Will and Jasmine get along?" asked Sweets as Molly sat down again. "I mean there is a huge age gap between them."

"Jasmine is a little wary of Will. He is rarely on leave so the only time they ever interact is when he comes home. She likes him. She really likes him but she doesn't often remember she has a brother."

"I guess you feel strange being in the middle."

"Not really."

"Okay, Molly, our time is up." said Sweets walking up to his desk and pulled out a blue notebook with FOOD DIARY written in black pen. "This is a diary I have bought for you. I want you to record everything you eat." said Sweets handing her the book. "I also have stickers for you. They are five colours: red for meat or protein, yellow for dairy, blue for carbohydrates, green for fruit and vegetables and orange for fat."

"So for every food group I eat, I stick each colour down and write down what it was?"

"Yes. I don't usually condone unhealthy eating but I want to at least see some orange on there."

"I'll try."

"Molly, this is no joke. If your weight gets any lower I may have to admit you to hospital. I care about you Molly."

"I'll try, I promise. I'll ask Mom to help me out with it."

"Maybe next week, we can talk about your relationship with your parents."

"They didn't contribute to my depression."

"Your feelings about them contributed to your second suicide attempt."

"That is true. Thanks for the diary but I need you to know that I am not forcing myself not to eat. I'm just not interested in food. There is a difference."

"Okay, but I think you can do it. You are quite a tough woman despite your illness."


	8. Hamza: Week Two

_Hamza – Wednesday 11:00_

Sweets had spent the last twenty minutes tapping his pen waiting for Hamza to talk to him. He attempted small talk but they always ended quickly and he didn't want to push Hamza into a space that made him feel uncomfortable.

"I have a friend who is a Muslim." said Sweets trying to break the silence.

"Is he a homosexual?" asked Hamza.

"No, however he did fake a Jordanian accent. It was supposed to be an Iranian but I don't think anyone could tell the difference. He is actually an Iranian-American. It was a bit of a shock when he dropped the accent by accident." explained Sweets.

"Why did he fake the accent?"

"Well, he said it was because it was raise fewer questions as to why he was a scientist and still devout at the same time."

"Egyptology is a science technically. No one ever raised any questions about my religion."

"However doesn't Egyptology also study the Egyptian gods and the religious practices of the Ancient Egyptians? It is also a bit of archaeology and history?" asked Sweets.

"You are right. However I don't understand how your friend's situation compares to mine?"

"Well, the point is that he was hiding behind a fake identity just so no one would question his faith. You chose to remain in a relationship where you feel you have no choice but to hide who you really are because of your faith. We cannot change who we are because eventually, it'll come back to bite us in the back." explained Sweets. "This isn't like choosing between your head and your heart. Your religion is in your heart but so is your homosexuality."

"What is in my head?" asked Hamza.

"What you think is right. You think that staying with Zainab is the best thing to do for her, your family and Allah. However it isn't the best thing for you. I have seen many men in your situation who try to repress their feelings and in the end they cannot cope with the guilt. Eventually some of them committed suicide."

"I don't think it will come to that."

"There isn't an inevitable. It is a possibility. It isn't just gay men who suffer from this; I had a situation many years ago when someone I helped repressed their feelings for someone they had loved for years to convince themselves that he was over those feelings. Naturally he dated but he still had those feelings and in the end everyone in that acute angle got hurt somehow."

"Acute angle?" asked Hamza slightly confused.

"I don't tend to categorise a love triangle unless the two people dating the one person was dating the other. It sort of makes more sense that way."

"I guess that does."

"Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?" asked Sweets.

"I guess you are telling me not to repress my feelings because in the end everybody gets hurt."

"That is correct. Can I talk to you about the day you got married? How you were feeling about the idea of marrying a woman?"

"I have a confession to make Doctor Sweets. Kale isn't the first man I have had an affair with behind my wife's back."

"Really? This is happened before?"

"When I was dating Zainab, I had an affair with a man called Alexander. Back then I chose my faith over my heart, however the affair continued up until the day I was married. Well, I guess the reason I married Zainab wasn't about my faith actually; she was pregnant with Shabnam."

"So this is out of an obligation rather than because it is what you thought was right?"

Hamza nodded, "Obligation is an understatement with my mother. She knew about the affair and she fiercely told me to marry Zainab. You know how you hear of honour killings in Asian societies?"

"Yeah, I have had to solve some of those types of murders."

"It doesn't just apply to women. Sometime men can be killed because they have dishonoured their family. You just hear about it more with women. And with homosexual Asian men, it ends with not just them dying but the lover dying as well since they have corrupted the Asian man."

"You see where I find issues with such religions."

"You are not a religious person yourself?"

"Not really. Last week you said that you were only questioning your love for Zainab recently. If you were having an affair with a man just before you were married, why didn't you doubt your love for her then?"

"I guess it was because I didn't want to humiliate her on the day and to disgrace my family."

"Your family means the world to you? Not just your parents but also your children and your wife."

"Of course they all matter to me. That is why I am trying to stop this nonsense so I may move on wife my life the way Allah intended."

"I don't think life goes the way life intended. You can try to pray this away, but it'll never work."

"I know I cannot pray this away, but I think that you have enough faith, then Allah will help you."

Sweets looked at Hamza a moment. He tapped his pen and made a note on his clipboard. "I still think this is something that you have to figure out for yourself." he said, "Like I said I am here to talk to you because you have no one to talk to you about this issue. If this easy, I would say follow your heart and take the consequences as they come. We all have to face the consequences eventually. However this isn't a simple situation; you have a family and a sense of honour to maintain. Realistically, I would say stay with your wife because I have to put your safety first. I'm not making a judgement because you haven't talked much about your family aside from your wife and briefly your mother. However since you brought up the honour killings, I have to make some assumptions and be concerned for your safety."

Hamza thought about what Sweets had just said and simply nodded his head and got out of the seat. "I think that shall be it for the day, Doctor Sweets." he said.

"Same time next week?" asked Sweets.

"Same time next week."


	9. Robert: Week Two

_Robert - __Thursday 14:00_

"This tardiness seems to be a problem Robert." said Sweets, "This is the second week in a row that you were late to a session and I have to be tight about this because I don't know if I'll have another appointment straight after."

"It isn't my fault Doctor Sweets; I keep forgetting when I have appointments so there is a kafuffle before we leave the house." said Robert.

"Where is your wife today?"

"She's outside. I know because she repeated it about eight times." said Robert. "She thinks that if she repeats it enough it'll be engraved into my memory."

"My wife Lisa only does that when I don't wash the dishes. Do you think that Anna is becoming a little paranoid?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Does she try to help you when you don't really need it?" asked Sweets.

"Yes. I know she is only trying to help but sometimes it is annoying." said Robert.

"Maybe she doesn't understand that while you do need help, you have not deteriorated enough that you are unable to help yourself." said Sweets. "I think that is normal for any loved one dealing with early Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's can deteriorate very quickly in some people so I guess she could be preparing for when you do deteriorate."

"I suppose that is true. My wife has been trying to make things up for past mistakes." said Robert.

"Past mistakes? Like marriage problems?" asked Sweets.

"A few years ago she had an affair with a man she works with. He rather looked like you. She works at the hospital as a surgeon; the guy works as a surgeon as well and they met at a time when I was more focused on my work than my family." said Robert, "I could tell she was having an affair because she acted all secretive and I had found some suspicious text messages."

"Did you ask her about why she was acting secretive and about the text messages?"

"No." said Robert bluntly.

"Why not Robert? If that were my wife who I had been married to for a long time was acting suspicious, I would want to know what was going on."

"I guess I wanted to deny it to myself. I wanted to convince myself it was all in my head. Wouldn't you?"

"I guess. Did you eventually ask about it, or did Anna confess to the affair?" asked Sweets.

"She confessed to me after this guy left to go to another hospital. It turns out the affair had lasted for about a year. When she confessed, I said that I knew that she was having an affair and we have been rather strained since then. Since the diagnosis, I guess that she has felt guilty because of the affair."

"Right…" said Sweets looking at the photographs on the desk. The photographs of his wife and daughter and Sweets felt a pang of sympathy for Robert. He always found a pang of sympathy for any of his patients – even the impossible ones – but they did have their similarities and their obvious differences. As far as Sweets was, Lisa had not had an affair with anyone.

"Penny for your thoughts?" asked Robert.

"No, Robert." said Sweets. "Does your children know of your wife's affair?"

"I do not think that Pippa would be impressed with it; I think she may have disowned Anna if she found out."

"How did you feel when you saw her suspicious behaviour and the mysterious text messages?"

"Hurt… I just wanted to tell the guy how I felt about him screwing my wife. I was angry, hurt and I sort of wanted to kill the guy… but I thought it would be better to ignore the feelings I had and deny that she was having an affair." said Robert.

"I feel like this is the right emotions to feel whenever your wife is having an affair with someone. You would often feel like you were being replaced, possibly guilt for not meeting her needs."

"I don't hate her Doctor Sweets."

"I never implied that you did hate Anna. I'm just saying that when someone has an affair with someone else, it can knock their confidence, not just sexually but emotionally." explained Sweets.

"So why are you continuing to sleep with her?" asked Robert.

"I beg your pardon Robert?" asked Sweets confused.

"If you think it can knock my confidence, why are you having an affair with my wife?"

Sweets narrowed his eyes if further confusion. Then something hit him. Robert had mentioned that Sweets physically reminded Robert of the man who Anna had an affair with, and Robert must be going through a moment of serious forgetfulness. And this was giving Robert a chance to express the repressed feelings he had towards the man.

"Robert, I am Doctor Sweets. I am the criminal psychologist at the Federal Bureau of Investigation where you work as well." said Sweets calmly.

"Why are you having an affair with my wife? Do you not have your own to satisfy your needs?" asked Robert ignoring Sweets.

"Robert, I can assure you that I am not having an affair with your wife; I do not work with your wife so I have never had the opportunity to get to know your wife enough to have an affair with her." explained Sweets calmly enough so he doesn't alarm Robert.

"Please just stop and give her back to me. I know you don't love her and I still love her even now. So I am begging you, please, please just give me my wife back and leave us be. Leave us to move on with our life together. Please."

Sweets looked stunned and simply nodded rather dumbly before saying, "Okay, I'll leave you and your wife be."


	10. Amie: Week Two

_Amie – Friday 14:00_

Amie was fidgety. She was shaking and tapping her right fingers on her left hand. She looked disoriented and sicker than she was the previous week.

"Are you cold Amie?" asked Sweets.

"No. I just don't like the quiet very much." answered Amie.

"You can break the silence whenever you like. You lead these sessions, I just ask the questions."

"I have no idea about how to start a conversation."

"Okay, I could start. Have you been to the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings like I suggested?"

"Not yet. I haven't had time. I've had to work."

"What about the liver screening I suggested?"

"Like I said I have no time. I don't need it anyway. I'm fine like I have been saying." said Amie.

"Amie, you have a dependence of alcoholic beverages. This is serious. It is affecting your relationship with your son and it is affecting your work ethic. You cannot be a security guard at a place where there is well over a million dollars worth of artefacts and equipment and be drunk."

"Preach it why don't you. You've said this last week."

"I am hoping that if I keep saying that fact to you then you will get the message." explained Sweets.

"That isn't going to stop me drinking." said Amie. "Do you drink regularly?"

"By regularly you mean like every weekend or at the end of the day?"

"Yes." answered Amie nodding her head.

"I used to drink regularly but now it is mainly one scotch with my friend on a Friday after work."

"One scotch? What made you cut down?" asked Amie.

"When I was in my twenties I used to drink stupid amounts because I could. By stupid amounts I mean when I was on my friend's bachelor party, the first night we got so drunk all of us couldn't remember what happened the night before and I woke up in a boat." explained Sweets.

"Wow. So when did you get a stick up your ass?" asked Amie.

"You think I have a stick up my ass?" asked Sweets.

"You used to have a good time, now you are basically preaching the evils of alcohol. So when?"

"Alcohol is only supposed to be drunk in moderation. By moderation you, as a woman, are supposed to only have one unit of alcohol a day which is basically half a pint glass of beer."

"How much am I currently at a week then?"

Sweets went to his desk and grabbed a spare sheet of paper. He returned to his chair and asked Amie to repeat what she drinks in a week.

"Two bottles of vodka, a beer or two and a bottle of wine." answered Amie.

Sweets jotted down some numbers and did the math in his head.

"You're having about fifteen units a week. And that is not taking in the brands of each of the beverages you described. This is with the lowest alcohol percentage that I can think off the top of my head." explained Sweets.

"Fifteen isn't bad." said Amie.

"It is double what you should be having. Alcohol doesn't just harm your organs, it gain make you gain extra calories that you don't need."

"Seriously how many calories are there in what you described?"

"One thousand, five hundred and twenty-nine."

"That is a lot." said Amie.

"It is isn't it?"

"So basically, you think I am going to get fat because of it?"

"No, but those calories do affect your health. You have to burn those off by exercising."

"My job helps with that. You pretty much walk the halls of every department of the Jeffersonian so it is good for burning calories." said Amie.

"That is true. You said that you drink for the excitement. Is working in the Jeffersonian boring?"

"It isn't the most interesting place at night. I know this sounds wrong but I sort of wanted someone to break in so I can catch them."

"It does sound wrong. So when did you start drinking? I mean when did you first drink alcohol? At what age?" asked Sweets.

"When I was about sixteen. It was peer pressure. My friends all started at sixteen and I was the sensible one who kept her head down and studied. Then one night at a sleepover, we were playing I Have Never. As you can imagine, I was not used to the taste or the strength of the vodka so I got drunk quite quickly." explained Amie.

"That is often the case with many teenagers today."

"Do you have any teenage patients?"

"I cannot divulge that information I'm afraid." answered Sweets. "So how did you feel after you had consumed alcohol for the first time?"

"I had a bad headache the next morning. I couldn't stop being sick but it felt like such a rush that I wanted to feel it again so I went to parties regularly."

"Right… So this was something that hasn't just appeared; this is something you have had for twenty years or so."

"When I was sixteen I was looking for a good time. I still am looking for a good time. It isn't easy working six nights a week and looking after a teenager."

"That is true but you have said you have had a breakdown in communications with family members." said Sweets.

"I don't want to talk about them." said Amie.

"Okay, that is fine for the moment. We can take it at your own pace." said Sweets. "Amie, we need to get you a doctor's appointment as soon as possible."

"That again?" said Amie exasperated.

"Amie, you have to do this. I need to know how serious the situation is so I can help you. You have a lot of time during the day to go a see a Medical Practitioner so they can give you a blood test. They don't take that long."

"Right, I'll try but I cannot guarantee anything. And I cannot guarantee that I will go to the AA meetings either."

"You really are not going to make this easy on me are you?"

"I wouldn't bet on it."


	11. Casey: Week Three

_Casey – Monday 13:00_

"Are you okay today Casey?" asked Sweets.

"Huh?" asked Casey snapping out of the trance she was in.

"You seem to be a little down and not with it this afternoon." answered Sweets.

"I'm sorry. I just had a rough day yesterday."

"Care to tell?"

"I had a run in with Caleb yesterday. I was at dinner with friends and when I had went to get drinks from the bar. He was doing the same and let's just say things were frosty between us."

"How frosty?" asked Sweets.

"Very, very frosty. He tried to talk to me; tried to apologise and I was extremely cold to him." explained Casey. "I'm not a cold person normally."

"I know you're not. I think the reason you were cold towards Caleb was because of the manner he had broken up with you."

"Yeah that is pretty much why I was cold to him. I wasn't rude, I just kept glaring at him."

"To be honest, after the way he treated you, you had a right to be cold towards him. I think he has some issues to sort out." said Sweets.

"His mom was in a fire and she went crazy, so considering that I have developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I think he did not want to see me go the way his mom did." said Casey.

"What happened to his mother?"

"Beth was institutionalised after she tried to overdose. She's fine now; she just paints in her room."

"So you have a reason to be sympathetic towards him."

"Yeah I suppose you are right." said Casey leaning back in her seat. "I think I need to talk about what happened."

"Between you and Caleb?" asked Sweets narrowing his eyebrows.

"No," said Casey. "the incident."

"I already know what happened Casey."

"Not from my perspective."

"Okay. Go on."

"It was supposed to be a simple arrest. We had to go to this factory just outside of D.C. and it was a big one. It was a sting operation, and I was supposed to be the distraction. I had entered through the back and I had my gun with me. However someone tripped the alarm and I got caught." explained Casey. "The guy knocked me out and when I woke up, I was tied to a chair. I remember freaking out and trying to scream but because my mouth was taped and my arms were tied behind my back so I couldn't. The guy held a gun against me and I became really, really scared and I continued to scream. He told me that if I didn't shut up then he would shoot me in the head."

Casey stopped and breathed heavily.

"Casey, you can stop if you want to. Remember we need to take this at a slow pace." said Sweets.

"I'm fine. Honestly." said Casey sighing. "Okay, so like I said I was screaming and I was told to be quiet or I would die. I did. I don't know how long it was, maybe three minutes but it felt like four hours before someone I work with busted in with armed police and I remember the chair being pushed down but the pain wasn't in my head, it was in my stomach. I remember looking down and I saw a pool of blood. That was the last thing I remember."

"How did you feel when you saw the blood?" asked Sweets gently.

"I remember being scared and in pain. I woke up about three days later and the doctor was standing next to my bed and she explained that I had been shot in my uterus. They tried to repair some of the damage but it was extensive. It wasn't serious enough for a hysterectomy but serious enough to stump my reproductive system."

"I guess after hearing you had gotten shot, you didn't want to hear that you could possibly be infertile."

"It sucked big time. I just remember not speaking to anyone for days after that. I stared into space most of the time and I think my arms were attached to the bed so I couldn't hit the nurses." said Casey.

"That sounded like a rough few weeks."

"It was the worst. I just couldn't sleep so I was snapping at everyone. I got tranquilisers after that just to clam my mood and to help me sleep."

"Do you still take them?"

"Only when I need them. I don't have that many nightmares. Not about what happened."

"You know it is okay for you to get upset or angry in here. I've done this for years so I can take it." said Sweets.

"I don't like getting angry at people. Hence why when I am angry with someone I'll ignore them or treat them coldly." said Casey. "Doctor Sweets, I think I am done for today."

"Are you sure, we still have ten minutes?" asked Sweets looking at his watch.

"I think I have said all I needed to say today. I don't feel well so I was supposed to be going home after this." said Casey.

"Okay. If you need to talk, you know where my phone is."

"I do. Thank you for today."


	12. Molly: Week Three

_Molly – Tuesday 16:00_

Sweets walked over to his office door and upon opening it found a dishevelled and tired looking Molly. The eighteen year old was dressed in what looked to be leggings and a large jumper with her hair tied into a bun.

"Molly are you okay?" asked Sweets.

"I'm just tired." answered Molly quietly. Sweets let her pass and she slumped on to the sofa.

"I'm just going to talk to your mom a moment." said Sweets leaving the room and closed it. In the waiting room sat Molly's mother Carlie. "Hey Carls." said Sweets pulling a chair up in front of her.

"Hi Lance. Molls had a nightmare last night and it has kept her up since two this morning. She's refusing the sleep in case it happens again." explained Carlie.

"You look as though you have been kept up as well." said Sweets.

"I stayed with her. I tried to get her to take her tranquilisers but she said no. I'm not going to force her to take something if she doesn't want it."

"Okay, I'm going to talk to her about this nightmare but if she falls asleep then I will get you."

"Okay." said Carlie. "Lance, thank you for this."

"It's no problem." he said walking back into the room. Molly was lying on her side now. The food diary was on the table and Sweets walked over to his chair.

"I had… I had a bad dream last night." said Molly. Sweets could see she was trying not to blink.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" asked Sweets.

"Um… I was trapped in a box. A very small box and I couldn't get out and I tried screaming and clawing at the walls. I ended up waking up in a sweat and I screamed so loud I woke everyone up. I must have been really loud because Dad and Jas are heavy sleepers." explained Molly.

"Okay, I need you to blink to save your eyes from drying out."

"I don't want to." said Molly but her eyes blinked at their own volition. "Do you know what it means?"

"The dream… Well, given that depression can make a person feel trapped so the small box could be the depression, and you trying to get out by screaming and clawing is you trying to get someone to help you." explained Sweets. "Is this a one-off or have you had it before?"

"Just the once. I just remember this morning when Mom and Dad ran to see if I was okay, I was chanting something like 'don't put me in the box' and Mom just held me until I calmed down and stayed with me. I think Dad knew Mom had me under control so he just checked up every couple of hours to see if I was okay. I had scared Jasmine so much she wouldn't go to bed either so none of us have slept."

"Throughout this whole thing, have you ever felt the need to cling onto something, like your parents?"

"They've both given me hugs when I needed them. Remember when I told you about Christmas?"

"You were crying in the bathroom."

"After I had calmed down, Mom said I should get some sleep. When I had taken my tablet and found somewhere quiet, I asked Mom to stay with me. I just cling onto whoever is there. Even Jasmine."

Sweets noticed that Molly was playing with a bracelet on her left wrist. It was a wooden, mahogany coloured bracelet with pictures of religious paintings.

"Molly, do you believe in God?" asked Sweets.

"I believe in a form of Heaven. It makes me feel better if I think of a better place after death." answered Molly.

"Is that where you were trying to get to when you attempted to kill yourself?"

"I suppose." said Molly. "I find it difficult to decide whether I am a Lutheran or Catholic."

"You weren't baptised in either?"

"No. The story sounds funny now but it must have been a nightmare for Mom and Dad. I think that is part of the reason why my grandfather hated Dad."

"Did that relationship bother you at all?"

"Well, Dad liked Grandpa but not the other way around. I guess it comes from my dad being poor when he and Mom met. Mom's side was fairly middle class so you could say Grandpa was a snob."

"You and your father are close aren't you?"

"Like I said before: I am a total daddy's girl. I was really clingy as a toddler towards him."

"How is your relationship since you attempted suicide?"

"It's quite good. I mean he was the one to find me the second time so I'm surprised that he didn't yell at me. I'm also surprised because I thought it would be awkward between us."

"Who was with you when you woke up from your sedation period?"

"Mom. When I woke up I could make out Mom's shape in the haze and my first thought was she was going to be mad. Instead she smiled at me and asked if I wanted anything,"

"Do you and your mom talk about anything?"

"I'm not sure. We do talk but not as much as I do with Dad. Mom and I only really talk about the stuff I cannot talk to my Dad about."

"Like boys and sex?" asked Sweets. Molly nodded and sat herself up. "Does it make you uncomfortable talking about sex with your father?"

"Would you like to talk about sex with Allie?" asked Molly. "I'm asking you from the perspective of a father, not a psychologist."

"Honestly no. I wouldn't. I'm going to ask you something. Do you ever worry about your mom developing cancer again?"

"Yes. Mom looked sicker after she was in the clear and I remember her being really thin. Scarily thin."

"Are you scared that you are fast becoming like that version of your mom?"

"Yeah." said Molly pushing the food diary forward. Sweets picked it up and flicked through it.

"There isn't enough orange stickers Molly. You have only two." said Sweets.

"I thought that the carbohydrates would help with gaining weight."

"You need fat to insulate yourself. Have you been feeling the cold more than usual?"

"Yes."

"That is the reason why. Molly you have to keep thinking this is for your health." said Sweets handing the diary back to Molly.

"I know Doctor Sweets." said Molly trying to stand up but her vision was going blury.

"Molly are you okay?" asked Sweets becoming concerned.

"I feel a little light-headed." answered Molly. She started to stand up but fell to the side.

Sweets ran to her side and saw she was unconscious and shouted for Carlie. The door opened and Carlie ran to her daughter's side.

"What happened?" she asked in a panic.

"I don't know she just collapsed." answered Sweets.


	13. Hamza: Week Three

_Hamza – Wednesday 11:00_

"So, have you made any progress in your dilemma?" asked Sweets.

"I think that I may have come to a solution." said Hamza. "I am going to stay with my wife."

"Okay," said Sweets, "are you sure that is the right decision for you?"

"Yes. This is best for all involved."

"I don't think that this is best for you. I am not saying that you should divorce your wife, but I don't think this is a good idea."

"Why?"

"This is best for your soul, your wife, and your life. This is not good for making you happy with who you are."

"Who I am? I cannot be who I am. It isn't just because I am a Muslim and gay, homophobia is still out there. Laws have been passed so that same-sex marriage is legal in many of the fifty states, yet people still think that being gay is wrong. We still have problems with people not being the same as the whites. We get a black president in 2008, doesn't mean that people are going to accept a black person in society. We could elect a gay president and the gays would still not be accepted."

"Well, you are right that people still do not accept gay people, despite the laws passing and the amount of post-nineties television shows that feature gay people. However, I think that you are scared of being judged rather than admitting to who you are." said Sweets. "You are judging yourself."

"Look, if you were in my position, what would you do?"

"I guess it's not as simple as just being honest with yourself. I do think you are thinking of the consequences if you did come out, but if you do something that you feel you have to do, you may regret it." said Sweets.

"Are you saying I have made this decision out of duty?"

"Yes. Feeling the need to commit to a relationship because you feel is the right thing to do is a duty." said Sweets.

Hamza looked at Sweet and nodded as if he understood what Sweets was telling him.

"I'm supposed to be moving house this week. Why would I buy a house with my wife if I wasn't serious about making my marriage work?"

"I understand that buying a house makes you serious about trying to make things work in your marriage, but what happens when another man comes along? Are you going to do the exact same thing when you got married and what you are doing now?"

"I'll have to, won't I?"

"Okay. Hamza, I am not sure what I can do for you if you keep insisting that you know what you want even though it is not going to make you happy."

"I take it this means we'll have to stop therapy."

"I can deal with stubbornness, Professor, but I cannot see what I can do for you. This is not a psychological problem for me to help you. This is something you have to do yourself. I'm only guiding you so that you will be happy with your decision. Your emotional wellbeing is what is important to me."

"What would you say if your daughter told you that she was a lesbian? Would you accept her?"

"Yes I would. She is my daughter and I love her. I want her to be happy with who she is and not what she thinks she should be." said Sweets. "This is not a good example for me to talk about. We both come from different cultures and I am not allowed to judge anyone based on what they tell me. You are your own worst enemy at this moment and you think that this can be cured with simple things like drugs. You cannot cure how you feel towards someone else. People who believe it is wrong to be gay are often influenced by their faith. They cannot help that, it is what they know. For people who don't have a religion, yet are homophobic are just ignorant. I cannot influence your family to accept you. They either do or they don't, you cannot influence either. People are going to judge you now matter what."

The pair remained quiet for about five minutes until Hamza spoke again, "I guess you are right. I would be judged no matter what; not just in my family but my life in general. It would mainly be people at work. I may not be if I went into a shop."

"I think people wouldn't notice it as much because they have this stereotype of what a gay person is. Even though the concept of a gay person came out in the late twentieth century, they still have this generalisation of what a homosexual person is. I think because of that you will be okay in a wider society outside your normal life."

"You know that friend you talked about last week. The one who faked his accent. Does he have any siblings who were gay?"

"I think he mentioned it once. His mother was in hospital and his brother came to visit. She already knew about his brother and she was accepting. I think it depends on the person, not the faith of the person." said Sweets. "Does your wife know about you coming to therapy?"

"No. She'll ask me questions that I am not ready to answer. You said last week that you had to put my safety first, but you seemed to have changed you mind."

"I talked about this with my friend and he said that only pride causes these honour killings. Times have changed and more Muslims are accepting gay people than before. He said this: being proud of one's achievements in one thing, being proud enough to kill your own blood is another."

"What if it is dishonour?"

"There is a difference between dishonour of choice and a dishonour of being your own person. Maybe it is because of how you feel about yourself rather than worrying about how people will feel about you." said Sweets.

"We have a housewarming party next week, if you and your wife would like to attend."

"I don't tend to get involved with my patient's personal lives." said Sweets. "I'm sorry if I have been snappy today, I have had a bit of a bad week."

"It isn't a problem, but I still would like you to attend."

"I'll think about it."


	14. Robert: Week Three

_Robert - __Thursday 14:00_

After last week's incident, Sweets was walking on eggshells around Robert for fear of it repeating again, and after the week he had, he was already tired by lunchtime. Robert seemed happier than he did the last week.

"Are you okay Doctor Sweets?" asked Robert.

"I should be asking you that." said Sweets. "I'm fine Robert."

"You seem a little tired today."

"I've had a bit of a rough week and I have been worrying about one of my patients that are in hospital. She's getting discharged today though."

"That sounds like good news, or it could be the calm before the storm."

"We need to talk about what happened last week."

"What happened?"

"You thought I was your wife's ex-lover and you confronted me, telling me to stop having an affair with her. I know you said that I reminded you physically of him, but I fear that this may happen again."

"I don't think I will compare you to my wife's ex-lover again."

"No I fear you may have one of those moments again and this time you may remember events in Afghanistan, which may cause violent outbursts that could hurt you, your wife, your family, and maybe me." said Sweets.

"I promise this won't happen."

"You cannot force yourself not have these moments where you are not lucid. Having Alzheimer's means you cannot control the way your mind works." said Sweets.

"I went to the hospital again this week and they performed another MRI scan." said Robert handing Sweets a manila envelope. Sweets opened it and saw a scan of Robert's brain and it was different to the last one her saw.

"Your brain has shrunk slightly. I cannot be certain, but I think you might be deteriorating faster than I had anticipated." said Sweets. "Did the doctor at the hospital perform any more tests?"

"They asked me to perform that MMGT."

"You mean the MMSE?"

"Yes."

"And what did the results say?"

"It was twenty." said Robert.

"You've dropped slightly. Robert, have these moments where you are not lucid increased since you began these sessions with me?" asked Sweets.

"I don't know. I don't keep a track of when I lose my marbles as such. Did you ever watch Doctor Who?"

"Yeah."

"Do you remember the episode where the Doctor and his companions had to mark their bodies every time they saw the creature because they would forget about it as soon as they looked away?"

"I may have to review that episode, but yes it rings a bell." said Sweets.

"Would you recommend that every time I lose myself, I mark my body?"

"No, but maybe you could get Anna to write down when you do lose yourself. Back to the original question, do you think you are remembering certain areas of your life more and forgetting basic things?"

"I don't know. I have been getting confused more recently but I cannot say on the remembering certain events of my life."

"Have you been having nightmares?" asked Sweets.

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Yes, but have they been more frequent?"

"Yeah. Can I ask what your opinion of me continuing work?"

"At the moment… I don't think it is a good idea that you should be working with your illness. If you were in the middle of an investigation and you had an incident like what happened last week during the investigation, you may compromise it."

"So, is that your official opinion?"

"I have not told the head honchos yet so for the moment you still have your job. You need to know that my opinion only counts for part of the final verdict."

"You make it sound like I am in court."

"This is part of my job, I can do psycho-evaluations on criminals that could have an impact on the sentencing."

"So you judge whether or not they were in the right state of mind when they committed the crime?"

"Yes. It can affect on whether they spend the next twenty years in prison or a psychiatric unit."

"Do you think I need to go to a psychiatric unit?"

"Alzheimer's isn't a mental illness, it's neurological. There is a difference. You'll more likely have to go into a nursing home if you do get any worse."

"Do you think those trials that were mentioned in the first session still are not beneficial?"

"I do think they have some benefits, but I had to warn you about the risks because I felt it was my duty to. I had to put your safety first." said Sweets.

"Do you always put your patient's safety first?" asked Robert.

"I have to, I wouldn't be a good psychologist otherwise."

"What about the girl who ended up in hospital earlier this week? What happened?"

"Doctor patient confidentiality. I only mentioned that she was in hospital because I need you to know that I do worry. When you came in today, I was worried that last week would repeat itself. Now, I fear that because of what we have talked about today, it may happen unexpectedly in the future." said Sweets.

"Should I start a medication plan?" asked Robert.

"You will need to go through that with your general practitioner since they should know about your medical history," said Sweets, "however it would be beneficial to start now to slow the progression of the Alzheimer's."

"I think that should be all for today Doctor Sweets." said Robert.

"Are you sure? We still have time left."

"I already know what decision you have come to so I don't see the need to continue these sessions."

"Have you ever talked about your experiences in Afghanistan with anyone?"

"No."

"Maybe we can talk about these and see if they have had any effect on you?"

"Do you just want to keep me here?"

"I think that you need someone to talk with because, while I can see you have a close relationship with your wife, you don't think you have told her everything."

"Okay. I'll see you next week."


	15. Amie: Week Three

_Amie – Friday 18:00_

Sweets pulled up outside of a church hall where he saw Amie standing by the entrance with a cigarette in her hand. She saw him and ditched the cigarette.

"You don't have to get rid of your cigarette because I am here." said Sweets getting out of the car.

"Well I cannot smoke in there and I just want to get out of the cold." said Amie.

"Ready to go in?"

"I'm not looking forward to this." said Amie opening the door.

"You don't have to say anything today. What you and I are doing is to listen to this meeting and see if you want to continue going to these meetings. We can still have sessions together."

They walked into a hall where there was a table with snacks and a coffee machine on top and in the middle of the room there was a circle of chairs.

"Do you want to mingle?" asked Sweets.

"Not yet." said Amie. "I need a drink."

"Do you want coffee?"

"No, I want a drink." said Amie.

"You do know that is the reason why you are here today?"

"I know, but I hate meeting new people unless I have a drink down me first."

"I'll go and get some coffee."

"Milk and two sugars."

Sweets went over to the coffee machine and started making a coffee for him and Amie.

"Hello." said a woman beside him. "Is this your first time?"

"I'm accompanying someone. This is a 'let's see if you like it' type meeting."

"We're all supportive here. We don't judge anyone who comes through that door" said the woman.

Once everyone had sat down, the leader started to talk, "Welcome everybody. I see we have some new faces and I hope that they will be successful in trying to kick the habit."

"He sounds like those teachers at school who try to be hip." whispered Amie.

"Listen." whispered Sweets.

"For the benefit of the new faces, I'm Simon and I lead these meetings. I was an alcoholic about five years ago but when my daughter was born, I decided to stop for her sake." said the group leader. Sweets turned his head and he saw that Amie wasn't interested. "Is there anyone who wishes to start?"

A couple of people raised their hand, Simon pointed to an African-American woman, and she stood up.

"Hi I'm Matilda and I have been sober for about six months. I became an alcoholic when I was about sixteen because my parents were in the middle of a divorce. It gave me something to focus on while my parents were arguing and eventually it took over my life. I didn't go to college and now I work in a convenience store and I cannot work towards anything in life because I all I wanted was a drink." explained Matilda.

"How have you felt since you became sober?" asked Sweets.

"I have felt a little better, but I still crave the bottle. There are some moments where I feel the need for a drink." said Matilda.

"Thank you Matilda." said Simon and Matilda sat down. "Anyone else want to speak?"

Amie looked around before she stood up and said, "I'm Amie, and I am new here. My therapist, my son, and some other people think I am an alcoholic."

"You do not think you are an alcoholic?" asked Simon.

"No, I just enjoy a drink and my job gets dull at times." answered Amie. "My boss sent me to therapy because he thought I could compromise the safety of the institute."

Sweets stood up and said, "Hi I'm Doctor Lance Sweets and I am Amie's psychologist who came with her today. The reason that we are here today is to try to help Amie admit that she needs help. I wanted her to hear some stories from people like you who have experienced what she is going through."

"I was pressured into drinking when I was a teenager and I have been drinking ever since. I drank normal amounts then as I grew older, I wanted to hold onto my youth, and so I drank more. I don't think I am an alcoholic. I just want to have a good time." said Amie.

"Do you think there is a difference between drinking to have fun and drinking because you feel the need for it?" asked Simon.

"I cannot really see the difference." answered Amie.

"There is a difference." said Sweets. "Recreational drinking is drinking in moderation; drinking because you feel like you need it constantly is alcoholism."

Amie paused a moment and sat back down. Sweets sat down as well. She looked at him and nodded.

"Are you convinced now?" asked Sweets.

"I think I am an alchoholic."


	16. Casey: Week Four

_Casey – Monday 13:00_

"Are you okay today Casey?" asked Sweets.

"I'm better this week Doctor Sweets." answered Casey.

"Okay. So have you been this week? Have you seen Caleb?"

"No, but I met a man in a bar."

"Really?" asked Sweets rather stunned.

"Yes, I met a guy at Founding Fathers." said Casey. "He is called Brandon and he is quite lovely. I just went on my own because I needed to get out of my apartment. I went to the bar and Brandon was sitting next to me. I decided to watch the football game on my phone –"

"You like football?"

"My dad likes indoor football. Our team is Lincoln Haymakers, which is the closest to where I was born. It is a past time for my dad and me to go to the games and have a corndog with a coke."

"Okay, so what happened when you watched the game on your phone?"

"Well, the Haymakers were losing so I got frustrated. I'm guessing Brandon got a little interested so he started talking to me."

"What did you two talk about?"

"We talked about sports, he's from Ohio, and we bantered about our favorite teams. We talked until the game was over and the Haymakers lost, so he decided to treat me to food and a drink." said Casey.

"Was that it?"

"No, um… We went back to his apartment and had sex." said Casey sheepishly.

"You had sex?"

"Yes. I didn't tell him about the fact I have fertility problems so we used a condom."

"Do you think that is wise not long after you were shot and your break up with Caleb?"

"I don't know. It felt right for some reason and I don't regret it. It was really good but I remembered that I had work the next morning so I didn't get chance to get his phone number."

"How did he react to leaving?"

"He tried to make me stay as long as possible, but I had to shower and get changed. I wish I had gotten his phone number. Brandon didn't feel complicated."

"Do you think that it's because he doesn't know your background?"

"Yes, I think so. I want to see him again. For some reason, when we were talking in Founding Fathers, I imagined what it would be like to be in a relationship with Brandon. I imagined about our morning routine would be like. I imagined that he would wake me up with kiss, that we would take the shower together, and that I would make breakfast. As the night went on I imagined what he would be like as a husband as well." said Casey looking down at her shoes.

"Casey, I know that it is too soon for this, but do you think you are falling in love with the idea of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't know about your problems?"

Casey continued to look at her feet before she looked back up at Sweets.

"Maybe." she said. "I liked him because he seemed easy, but I don't know how he will react if I tell him about the incident. He seemed nice enough so I don't think he would act like a dick about it."

"Do you know if you will meet again?"

"I doubt it, but I hope so, if that makes any sense."

"It makes perfect sense. Did you feel pressured into having sex?"

"He didn't force me."

"I know, but do you think you are trying to move on from Caleb? If you are, I would suggest that, if you do see Brandon again, you tell him everything straight: the incident and the break up. To be in a relationship with somebody, you have to be honest." said Sweets.

"I suppose that is why one in three marriages ends in divorce. If you cannot be honest after you have taken your vows then you may as well not be together."

"Do you wish Caleb had been more honest about how he was coping with you post-traumatic stress?"

"Yes. That was he would have hurt less when he dumped me. I think I should be honest with Brandon because it will hurt less if he wants to have a baby and I struggle to conceive." said Casey. "To answer your first question, no I don't think I am pressuring myself to move on from Caleb. To be honest I am over him. I just still feel some anger towards him."

"I think some anger is good. It's better than feeling dead inside or having no feelings at all."

"I guess you are right. When my mom died, Dad struggled with his grief and I had to help him for a couple of months. He was practically a zombie for those few months until I managed to get a few words out of him."

"Is he okay now?"

"He still misses my mother but he has his way of coping."

"How did you feel when your mother died?"

"I cried for hours. It was my mother who had taught me how to tie my shoelaces and encouraged me to eat my vegetables. I didn't want her gone; well any child doesn't want their parent to leave forever." said Casey.

"Did your mother have any effect on who you are now?"

"She is why I am still am keeping strong. My mom said that in the bad times, if you stay strong then you will last longer than most other people will. It is like _The Hunger Games_. Katniss has to stay strong so she can survive as long as possible."

"You are a little young to know about _The Hunger Games_."

"I'm a little young to know about most classic literature, but _The Hunger Games _is a modern classic. It was my mother's favourite book." said Casey.

"I suppose you are right about classic literature. Do you find compare yourself to Katniss?"

"No. I mean that we are both strong enough and we were both in high-pressure situations, but Katniss has to be strong. I don't. I'm only strong because I was brought up that way."

"Do you reckon that you are starting to recover from your trauma?"

"Yeah. I think so."


	17. Molly: Week Four

_Molly – Tuesday 16:00_

Molly had collapsed as a result of a severe iron deficiency and her blood pressure was really low. Her face was pale and covered in pimples. Her eyes were shallow and her hair limp.

"I am going to be the death of my mother." said Molly.

"How so?" asked Sweets.

"She is like Wonder Woman. Mom has to make sure Jasmine gets enough vitamins and proteins and make sure I haven't killed myself or I haven't died in my sleep as well as meet regular appointments for the both of us. Also as well as keeping up with work and housework. After last week I'm surprised she hasn't had a brain aneurysm."

"How are you feeling?"

"Weak… Really weak. I have been taking tablets to get my iron levels back up."

"Do you have abnormal heartbeats? Do they sometimes skip?"

"A little. Am I dying?"

"No. Molly, you just have a few health problems associated with your food issues."

"Why is everyone obsessed with my weight?" asked Molly. "Mom keeps trying to get me to eat."

"She's trying to get you healthy. Molly you collapsed in this room; your blood pressure was eighty over fifty. The doctors had to stop you from going into shock…" Sweets explained until something dawned on him. "Molly, are forcing you not to eat?"

"No. Of course not." said Molly firmly.

"Molly, your weight was ninety-six. You're losing it rather than putting it on."

Molly stared for a moment until she started to cry. Not just small trickles of water but large gushes. She fell to the front of the sofa and Sweets also sat in front of her. He handed her a tissue.

"Are you okay?" asked Sweets.

"I think I might have an eating disorder." said Molly after she had stopped sobbing.

"Are you not eating on purpose then?"

"No. I try but every time I get food put in front of me, I keep playing with it rather than actually eating it. I'm not obsessed with looking perfect, I just cannot find the motivation to eat food."

"How long do you think you have been like this?"

"Since Harry moved to Yale."

"When did you start feeling depressed?"

"Around October I think."

"One of the psychological signs of an eating disorder is depression. I guess I assumed you weren't eating because of the depression but the depression was caused by you not eating." explained Sweets. "Do you want me to bring your mom in?"

"Not now." said Molly. She stayed quiet for five minutes before pushing herself up onto the sofa. Sweets sat in his chair again and looked at Molly.

"How did Harry going to college trigger your attitudes to food?" asked Sweets.

"I think it was a fear that Harry would find someone thinner and prettier than me. I still love him. Even now."

"That is very unlikely."

"What that he will find someone?" asked Molly.

"That he will find someone prettier than you. Molly, you are a beautiful young woman. You never needed to change the way you look. Especially for a guy."

"It isn't just that… I go to a private school where the girls shop at Chanel or Gucci and they always look immaculate. Then there is me: the poor girl."

Molly lay herself down and clung onto the cushion.

"You know that those girls have are not who they are. They may have money but on the inside they are striving to be perfect. They might have their own personal problems."

"There is a joke at Hallam that if you are a guy you'll become rich in no time; if you are a girl you'll have an eating disorder."

"Because ever girl strives to be perfect in a rich society?"

"Yeah. I don't strive to be perfect but… I just want to fit in."

"Wouldn't you prefer to be yourself?"

"I is an awkward, wise beyond her years, who actually wants to work towards a job rather than get my parents to pay for me."

"What do you want to do?"

"Nursing."

"Why did you choose to go to Hallam then?"

"My friends were there. I worked so hard to get the scholarship and now I have just blown it."

"Molly, if it is okay with you, I'm going to bring your mom in." said Sweets.

"Okay." said Molly.

Sweets got out of his seat, walked to the door and called Carlie in.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" asked Carlie sitting next to her daughter.

"Molly has a small eating disorder. She is eating but in small amounts and it has caused a dramatic weight lose as you know." explained Sweets.

"Oh my God." said Carlie putting her hand to her mouth and looked at Molly. "She's anorexic?"

"Not anorexia. More like Food Avoidance Emotional Disorder and Orthorexia .They aren't as well-known as anorexia or bulimia but the reason I think it is neither of the two main eating disorders is because Molly isn't forcing herself not to eat but I think the pressures of school have stressed her out as well as a fear of being replace romantically with a thinner and prettier girl than she have made her self-conscious. She has been avoiding the food not of her own volition however her fear of eating anything that isn't healthy is her own volition. This could be a result from the diet she had when she did ballet." said Sweets. "We all thought that she wasn't eating because of the depression, but actually it is the other way around. A lot of the symptom are similar to depression."

"I'm sorry Mom." said Molly.

"Hey, hey don't be." said Carlie. "It's not your fault."

"It is my fault. When Jasmine was in hospital, I binged and then made myself sick. I did it once but it felt like I had some control." explained Molly sitting herself up. "I didn't do anything after that and then last September I just stopped eating like a normal person. Then I became depressed and I couldn't cope with being sad and angry all the time and that is why I tried to kill myself twice. I just feel like I am letting everyone down."

Molly shuffled over and gave her mother a hug and Carlie hugged her back.

"I'm going to have to refer you to an Eating Disorders Unit at the hospital." said Sweets. "You'll only be an outpatient so you only go in for tests and weighing. Also, I have to suggest taking the rest of the school year off."

"What?" asked Molly.

"You are way too ill to even think about going to school where the pressures are going to make you sicker." said Sweets.

"But what about college?"

"You can repeat a year. Look, right now your health is more important to me." said Carlie. "We're going to do this in small steps. It is a marathon not a sprint. Okay? Your dad and I are here to help."

"Will I still need the diary?" asked Molly.

"I want you to continue to write in the diary. I think I may have put a little too much pressure on you to try to gain weight but now I realise that this isn't a physical thing more a psychological and that is why I am here." said Sweets.

"I still have to come here?" asked Molly.

"If you want to; there are specialists who can help you better than I can, but you said that you don't like strangers knowing your business. It is your choice."


	18. Hamza: Week Four

_Hamza – Wednesday 11:00_

It had been tense for about fifteen whole minutes since Hamza had entered the room. Sweets had decided to attend the party but that was not the reason for the tense atmosphere in the room.

"If I am going to be honest with you, professor, I was really not expecting that to happen." said Sweets.

"I don't think anybody was Doctor Sweets." said Hamza.

"Where are you staying?"

"In a hotel. Its two hundred and fifty dollars a night but I can afford it. Zainab doesn't want to see me at all. I don't blame her at all. She was humiliated."

"Have you talked to Kale about the incident?"

"I don't want to speak to him. He had no right to bust into my house and declare those things."

"Would you say he was doing you a favour by telling your family?"

"No. It was supposed to be for me to decide when and where I tell them. Now, I am an outcast among my own family."

"Okay. We both knew that either way would not benefit anyone, you especially, but would you say a truth is easier than a lie?" asked Sweets.

"The truth may be easier on my conscience, but it isn't any easier on my beliefs. I cannot be happy at all until I am happy with who I am now."

"Who you are now? You think that this is going to go away and you are going to live happily ever after?"

"No of course not. I know now that I cannot do anything about this. I can try but nothing can be done. This is who I am and I need to accept that."

"Would the religious you accept that?"

"Probably not. There will always be a conflict with my faith and my orientation. It is the way it is meant to be and will always be." said Hamza.

"You are right, many religions with an omniscient god believe that marriage should be between a man and woman, but today's society believes that anyone can get married. I read in a paper many years ago about a woman marrying herself to the Berlin Wall. The problem is America is still a rather conservative country. We still aim for the American dream of two point two children, marriage, and a white picket fence." said Sweets.

"There isn't a thing as the American dream. The American dream is for people like the governor who tried to become president in 2012 – the rich basically. What is left for those who are struggling? More work for less pay, with five children to support. That isn't what I would call a dream."

"What would be your dream?"

"I thought my dream was to be with my wife, my family, having a decent job and live to see the day where I can retire to a beach house in the Caribbean. I would not have any worries or cares in the world. I wish that there were no debate whether loving another man is right morally."

"Do you think that you will now pursue a relationship with a man?"

"If I am going to be honest Doctor Sweets, I deserve to be without a relationship. I used both Zainab and Kale, and I understand why they are both mad at me. I think I used you as well Doctor Sweets."

"How so?"

"I came to you in the hope you could cure me of these feelings, however I used you to help me come to terms with them."

"I think that is my job. I did say this was not a psychological problem. The most I could do was to guide you to the right decision for you. I think that you have made the decision not to pursue a relationship with anyone because of all this."

"Have you ever felt so guilty about something you did that you don't want to hurt anyone else because of it?"

"I suppose that makes sense. You can still have a relationship but you have to be honest with them."

"Doctor Sweets, I would like to thank you for the help you have given me these last few weeks."

"Are you leaving?"

"I think the problem has been solved itself and like you said, this was not a psychological problem."

"So what will you do now?"

"Maybe go back to Iraq and discover my roots. I was a kid when we left so I don't remember much of it."

"That sounds like a plan."

_Pay my respects to grace and virtue;  
Send my condolences to good.  
Hear my regards to soul and romance.  
They always did the best they could.  
And so long to devotion,  
You taught me everything I know.  
Wave goodbye, wish me well._

_The Killers – Human _


	19. Amie: Week Four

_Amie – Friday 14:00_

Sweets couldn't work with Robert any more. Sweets knew that Robert was deteriorating quicker than expected so he couldn't evaluate whether he was a threat to himself and others so he had decided to take an early retirement.

"That's two patients this week," said Sweets. This week seemed rougher than the previous. He had made some progress with Molly, he wasn't so sure about Casey and both Hamza and Robert had to leave therapy.

The door knocked and Amie poked her head through the door.

"Hey Doctor Sweets." she said.

"Amie, come in." said Sweets. "How are you feeling this week?"

"Like shit."

"You know that you don't have to go cold turkey?"

"If I don't go cold turkey then I won't be able to kick the habit."

"Okay, so how is your relationship with your son?" asked Sweets.

"Um, it is still a little strained. He forced me to go to the doctor this week."

"What did they say?"

"That I might have alcoholic hepatitis. That is why I am going cold turkey so it can go faster."

"Something like hepatitis doesn't go away like that. You need medication to help reduce the inflammation of the liver. It isn't official that you have hepatitis but until you know, we are going to ignore that. There is no use in getting worried about something that might not be there." explained Sweets.

"So what should we do until then?"

"We could talk about the break down in relations with your parents, husband, and siblings."

"We might as well start with my ex-husband. Basically, Dennis had an affair with his secretary and I kicked him out, claim custody of Bart and filed for divorce. For years, I have been angry at him for abandoning us by sleeping with that slut. I guess I always wanted to know why he did it. I gave him everything he wanted. I thought that we were going great. Then I walk into his office one lunchtime and I find her bent over the desk with him pounding himself into her from behind. I still remember that smug look she gave me, the bitch."

"How long has it been?"

"About five years."

"And you are still angry about him cheating on you?"

"Wouldn't you be when you thought everything was perfect?"

"A little but after a while, I would have allowed them to say their piece. Have you even spoken to Dennis since the divorce?"

"No. I told him that I never wanted to see him again. I guess he got the message."

"Maybe you should call him and ask him why he cheated on you."

"I could but if I see his face then I might get angry. It isn't the first time I have gotten angry for no real reason. " said Amie.

"Do you think you have anger management issues?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you get angry at things that annoy you immensely."

"Not so much, just things that I don't understand. Is that related to my alcoholism?"

"It could be a sense of control. You want to control the anger you feel inside for everyone, so you reach for the bottle. However, that is having an effect on your body. Sometimes a comfort drink is what you need after a rough day, but bingeing doesn't help with anything. In fact, it makes it worse."

"I suppose you are right about the control."

"Do you feel like you need the drink right now."

"A little, but I am trying to hold off. I think the taste of the alcohol may send me over the edge and put myself back on square one."

"Okay, I think that is some progress."

"Are you okay Doctor Sweets, you seem to be a little tired?"

"I have had a bad week. We all have them. I feel the need for a glass of scotch to be honest."

"Well, if you had a rough week, why don't you go to talk to the therapist about it?!

"I feel like I need to go to see one sometimes. It isn't that bad, I just have a couple of empty slots. I could move you to Wednesday so it is more convenient; I know you should be working now."

"Wednesday sounds good. About half five will do thank you Doctor Sweets."

"We have made some progress here Amie. I am rather impressed."

"Define progress."

"When you first came to therapy, you were stubborn, you did not want to be here. You go to an AA meeting and you admit you have a problem and you come here willingly. That is progress."

"I'm glad that I am improving in your opinion. I'm not so sure."


	20. Casey: Week Five

_Casey – Monday 13:00_

"I saw Brandon again." said Casey. "It was a complete accident. I have been assigned a job, which as you know isn't a field case. I went to the Jeffersonian and I found out that he is an intern there. I thought it was a little awkward at first but we remained professional."

"Aside from the awkwardness, how did you feel about seeing Brandon again?" asked Sweets.

"I felt happy for some reason. I had to keep my distance because I had to focus on the case. I need to keep this job especially after what happened. However, he did ask me on a date this evening."

"To where?"

"I have no clue to be honest. I am looking forward to it though."

"I am glad that you have become more open and happier since we started therapy. However, I have to be concerned about this going too quickly. Like I said last week, I think diving into a new relationship when you have just gotten out of one isn't really fair on you or Brandon." explained Sweets.

"I guess you are right Doctor Sweets. You know when you mentioned your fiancé that died, how long did it take you to get over her death?"

"Honestly, it took about five months. I think meeting my wife helped me recover from the hurt of losing Daisy. I can still hold onto her memory, but I have a chance to live my life. I have never been happier."

"I understand that. I loved Caleb. I spent a few good years with him. Yet when I met Brandon, I felt differently to when I met Caleb. Having sex with him felt right. It felt natural and uncomplicated. However, I am going to admit some of the truths tonight. I am going to say that I have only just gotten out of a relationship." said Casey. "I am going to get to know him better before I tell him about the incident."

"That sounds like a good plan. In all honesty, I think that getting to know who you are first before you drop the bomb. That way he can judge you on who you are and not what happened." said Sweets.

"I don't really like being judged anyway."

"Why?"

"I hate not knowing what people are thinking about me. I think that is why I try too hard at everything."

"How was high school for you?"

"I was senior class president, captain of the lacrosse team and class valedictorian. Yes, I am that much of a perfectionist." said Casey.

"I think there is a difference between being dedicated and being a perfectionist. People who are perfectionist tend to have deep-rooted issues. People who are dedicated want to have the best out of life rather than having to deal with rubbish pay and too many children. I know you said that you had always planned on having children, but wanted to get the best job you can to support them." said Sweets.

"So, how do you explain all the things I did in high school?" asked Casey.

"Being senior class president means that people can trust you. As captain of the lacrosse team, it drove you to be something in action related. I cannot really say much about class valedictorian but it shows that you are the most dedicated student and that you were trusted to make a speech in front of your peers, their parents, and the school faculty." said Sweets.

"Wow, I guess I never thought of it that way. I guess I was just always an over achiever that just wanted to play with guns. Now I know that playing with guns is not good thing."

"Have you been the doctor recently?"

"Yeah, I saw the doctor who did my operation and he said that my incision and scars have healed well. I need to book an appointment with my gynaecologist though. I haven't had a chance to see her since I had to swap doctors."

"Maybe she could provide some new insight into whether this infertility is permanent."

"I know but I have been caught up with the case and I have been trying to settle into my new apartment." said Casey. "I think I am trying to get used to the new things in my life. I want to have a new life."

"So you are trying to move on from Caleb and the incident? That is a good sign, but as I said, if you move too quickly, I fear you may fall back to square one. You can move on in small steps. I suggest that you get your apartment sorted before you move anyone into your life. I suggest being friends with Brandon first before you pursue a relationship with him."

"I think your advice is sound. I just need to get my mind focused on what I need to do and want before I think of other stuff like relationships."

"Good."


	21. Molly: Week Five

_Molly – Tuesday 16:00_

"So how are you this week?" asked Molly with a smile on her face.

"I'm good Molly. How about you?" asked Sweets.

"I have barely been out of bed." said Molly. "Basically my routine now is wake up, eat, sleep, eat, watch television, and eat, maybe if I am up for it I'll play with Jas, shower and then sleep."

"How are you parents coping with your disorder?" asked Sweets.

"Dad keeps checking if I haven't starved to death. I think he is just confused."

"Confused?"

"I think he is wondering what happened to his baby. I was a happy little girl once believe it or not. I wish I could return to that."

"Being happy has its limits."

"I suppose." said Molly."I have to rest all the time and the couch isn't comfortable to sleep on. It isn't the first time a room in our house was like a hospital room. When Jasmine came home from the hospital after that six-week stay, she spent the first week just sleeping. I gave her a bath that week and I saw she had lost weight because she didn't want to eat but that is common in pneumonia patients. I was so scared that when I took her out she'd slip out of my arms and break."

"You never wanted to be thin but sometimes things happen." said Sweets. "Do you want to talk about Harry?"

"If I have to. I had a crush on Harry when I was eleven. He was my first everything: boyfriend, kiss, sex, guy who got me pregnant, love."

"How do you feel about him now?" asked Sweets.

"I think I still love him. I have loved him since I was eleven so I am not getting over it soon."

"Molly, you're young so you are not going to spend the next ten years single."

"I know but do you ever get over your first love?" asked Molly. "I think sometimes it might have been different if I didn't miscarry. We may have a little baby keeping us to together."

"Did you personally want the baby?"

"I think I did. Before I realised something was wrong, I thought that even though my parents would flip and I'm way too young, a baby couldn't be so bad. The strange thing is that I was more scared of telling Mom than Dad."

"Is it because of your brother?"

"I think I was scared she'd be disappointed at me for repeating what she did at my age. I mean she is too young to be a grandmother. When I was waiting for the EPT result to come back, I kept fretting about Mom and Dad's reactions."

"What did you think when the test came back positive?"

"I was swearing in my head."

"It must have been a shock to you."

"You try being a pregnant sixteen year old. I couldn't believe it had happened. Harry and I were safer than safe every time."

"So how did you feel when the nurse said you had miscarried?"

"I just felt like something had been taken away from me, and that I was out of control."

"You know when you mentioned that you had a very minor bulimia lapse, was that before or after you miscarried."

"After. What happened was that my parents were at the hospital with Jasmine and it was the day she came home. A couple of hours before she did, I got into the car and drove to the grocery store and got some cookies, ice cream, chips, then I went to McDonalds and got their chicken sandwich, a large coke and a McFlurry. I drove to KFC and ordered a bargain bucket .Then I came home and binged until I felt sick then ran to the bathroom and threw it all back up. Thinking about it now, it's kind of gross. I suppose it makes sense. People with bulimia feel like they are in control when they binge and plunge and I wanted that. It was a spur of the moment thing but I think that is the only time I have ever felt in control."

"That is true. Unfortunately we cannot control our own bodies. Our bodies are designed to die whether we like it or not."

"I think I would have made a good mom."

"You may do eventually." said Sweets. "Do you think you decided to have sex too young?"

"At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was with someone who I loved, we had both consented and I was sure that I was ready. I mean I wasn't drunk so I knew what I was doing. I fell pregnant because I needed some comforting after Jasmine went into hospital. I was on the pill but that failed. We used a condom but that failed as well."

"How did Harry react when you told him?"

"I told him before I took the test and he was shocked. He was there for me though out so I knew he would have supported me." said Molly pushing herself off the sofa. She walked to the window and looked at her brittle nails. "I have to take two iron tablets a day, a tranquiliser in the morning so I can sleep until noon and before I go to sleep at night."

"Do you feel out of control because of them?" asked Sweets.

"If I cannot control when I sleep then how can I control myself when I leave home?"

"Do you find yourself too dependent on your parents?"

"I suppose it is because I grew up in a close household where I could depend on my parents to help me with everything. You could say I have been mollycoddled." said Molly with a small smile. "Even though I am clever, good-looking and fairly well liked at school, I don't really have much self-esteem."

"How do you have low self-esteem?"

"I guess it is because of the money issue. I'm not ashamed of my family; I couldn't be more proud of them. It's just that sometimes in school I get put down because I am the only girl in my grade that doesn't have to pay and that makes me a little self-conscious about my clothes and hair."

"Maybe you should prove that you are better than them because you may be slightly poorer you are smarter."

"I know but I think that my issue comes from them thinking they are better than me because they are rich and I am not." said Molly sitting down again. "Also when I did ballet up until I was about thirteen the girls were really… bitchy."

"You still don't feel comfortable with the whole swearing in front of adults?"

"No. I think it came from an incident when I was staying at my grandfather's when I was about four and Mom had accidentally – she never swore in front of us – cursed in front of me because I think she hit her hand on something and I, being impressionable, thought it was clever to repeat the word in front of Grandpa's wife. I remember her screaming at me and I ran to hide and cry my eyes out. I think when Mom came to collect me, Hilda told Mom about me and I heard an argument break out. Mom was livid that Hilda would yell at me because I had said something I didn't understand."

"Did your mother talk to you about swearing after?" asked Sweets.

"I think when she calmed down Mom talked to me and told me that swearing is only an adult thing and that I shouldn't do it again. She didn't yell, just firmly reprimanded me."

"You and your mom have a lot more in common than you know."

"I barely managed a day in that house, how she did it for eighteen years is beyond me."

"I could talk about it some more next week if you want."

"Okay."

"Molly how are you coping with your eating disorder?"

"Better. I've managed to gain a couple of pounds but I don't think I am cured yet."

"I am sure you'll get better."

"I know and I'll try."


	22. Amie: Week Five

_Amie – Friday 14:00_

Sweets handed a box of tissues to Amie who was sobbing on the couch in front of his shrink chair.

"I assume that the doctor's appointment did not go well." he said.

"I have Alcoholic Hepatitis. All that alcohol is packing my liver in." answered Amie.

"Did your doctor mention that a reduction in the intake of alcohol and some medication to reduce the symptoms can help treat this?" asked Sweets.

"Yeah, but I just hate how reckless I have been about drinking and now it is seriously affecting my health." said Amie.

"How has your son taken to the news?"

"He basically just looked at me as if to say 'I told you so'." said Amie. "He's thrown all the booze out and he has made a note of the dosage of my medication. I just wish I could take many pain pills just to finish me off. It would save on the medical bills and treatments that may fail."

"Have you ever contemplated suicide before?" asked Sweets.

"When I was a teenager and I was full of angst. I never attempted it though. It was one of those things that you say after an argument with your parents."

"I never did that. I was adopted so I would never threaten to kill myself in front of my adoptive parents because they took me in and raised me as their own."

"What about your daughter? Has she ever threatened suicide?"

"No. Like many teenagers she has gone through problems but Allie is lucky to have a shrink for a father."

"My dad is a shrink."

"Really?"

"I find it hard to be the shrink's daughter. People expect you to play with the prescription pad or just be a freak who needs to be counselled all the time." said Amie.

"Well, I try my best to keep out of my daughter's business unless I know something is serious." said Sweets.

"So if she was cutting herself, you would step in?"

"Yeah but that is me as a father not just a psychologist."

"Fair enough."

"Aside from the alcoholism, have you ever self harmed?"

"When I was fifteen I kept a razor blade in a little box on my wardrobe. I did it once or twice but I stopped when my family found out and kept me under surveillance until I was allowed to go to college." said Amie. "Two of my friends used to self harm so I thought it was normal."

"How did you find college as an experience? What did you major in?"

"History." said Amie. "I loved history as a child but my father said I would never get a job with a history degree. I was the student who dosed about and so I got no higher than a two-two."

"There are more jobs to history other than teaching or a historian. History allows people to look at different interpretations." said Sweets.

"You know what you were saying about self-harm? Well I found a poetry book I used to write in when I was fifteen. Do you want me to read it to you?" asked Amie pulling out a red notebook.

"Sure, if you feel comfortable." said Sweets.

"_A blade. The cold sharp metal across warm soft skin. A wall. A hard brick punch bag breaking delicate knuckles. So scared and alone. The blood drips the tension released. I know what you are thinking. It's me with a problem. But you don't realise it's not me. It's my friends. So scared are they. It scares me as well. So to see them like that breaks my pumping heart. I don't want to give their names. It's too personal. So from here on, once will be called she, the other he."_ said Amie reciting the words in her notebook. Gently she wiped a tear from her eye and put the book back in her bag.

"That was very good. How long did it take you to write that poem?"

"About ten minutes. I was fed up one night so I cracked open the book and wrote down everything I felt." said Amie. "Do you think that being an alcoholic makes me a coward?"

"No. Alcoholism is a chronic disease like cancer and it can consume a person's life as cancer does by all the treatments and the medical bills." said Sweets. "It takes a brave person to say they have a problem; it takes a courageous person to admit why there is a problem."

"It takes a courageous person to beat an illness like cancer. I am not a courageous person." said Amie.

"You can beat this Amie. The worst that could happen is a liver transplant."

"The worst that could happen is that I could die. Is this the end of therapy for me?"

"No, I need to find out more about your relationship with your family and I need you to recover before I can clear you." said Sweets.

"I have to go to hospital next Friday so I won't be in therapy."

"Okay, that is a decent excuse to miss a session but I need to contact your doctor to conform this Amie."

"Doctor's note I understand. We're getting there aren't we?"

"I'd say we are getting somewhere."


	23. Casey: Week Six

_Casey – Monday 13:00_

"So how did the date go?" asked Sweets.

"It was okay." said Casey. "We had pizza at a new Italian restaurant in the city."

"That sounds nice. Did you talk?"

"Yeah, we spoke about some movies, indoor football. Stuff you do talk about on a date."

"Did you talk about what happened?"

"A little. I just said that I had an incident at work." said Casey. "I said that I had been shot but he said he sort of knew because I have a scar."

"Okay, how did he react to that?"

"He understood why I didn't tell him in the first place. I had only just met him so he understood that it was too personal for me to tell Brandon."

"What were your expectations for the date?" asked Sweets.

"I thought he would dash the minute I said I had been shot. Men don't like damaged goods."

"You're not damaged goods Casey. In psychology, there isn't such thing as damaged goods."

"Why is there no such thing as damaged goods?" asked Casey.

"You are a human and not a product." said Sweets. "Humans are designed to become sick."

"They are not designed to be stupid and get themselves kidnapped." said Casey.

"That was not your fault and you know it."

"Well, I don't get how they caught me because I was as stealth as I could be." said Casey.

"The inquest said the investigation was botched from the beginning. There was a mole in the investigative squad." said Sweets. "Don't blame yourself, blame them."

"I suppose you are right."

"Have you spoken to your father?" asked Sweets.

"Briefly. We spoke on the phone yesterday." answered Casey.

"What did you talk about?"

"Are you really going to ask what I talked about with my father?" asked Casey.

"I'm just trying to make conversation with you Casey. However if you think I am overstepping a boundary then tell me."

"No, you are not. I just wasn't expecting you to ask me what my father and I spoke about. I said that I had found someone."

"And what did he say?"

"He just asked all the normal stuff like his name, how many years older he was than I am, does he have a nice car." said Casey. "He's well."

"Are you going back to Nebraska at any point?" asked Sweets.

"Maybe. I forgot to mention to you that Brandon and I had sex again."

"You did?" asked Sweets. "Was this just a spur of the moment thing or was it planned?"

"Complete spur. We both went to a nearby hotel and made love for most of the night." said Casey. "We used protection this time before you ask."

"I don't know what to say to this Casey. I thought I said to make sure you were certain about your feelings for Brandon before you perused a relationship with him."

"I know but I do feel as though I love him a little bit. But as a friend though. I don't know what this love is yet." said Casey.

"Like I said you have only just come out of a relationship so don't rush into anything before you are absolutely, one hundred percent sure that you are ready to be in a relationship with someone new." said Sweets.

Casey looked at her phone and back at Sweets. "I don't love Caleb anymore. I realised when I explained to Brandon about the incident that Caleb just couldn't cope because he was so involved with himself."

"How was he so involved with himself?"

"Caleb always used to be doing some stuff that was not really important. He would have plans that he never finished. He wanted to be an artist, it lasted two weeks. He wanted to be a marathon runner, he managed three miles."

"So he is one of those guys."

"Yeah, one of those guys. I supported him through all that however I just had enough. I was annoyed that I was bringing in the money and he was dossing around near the end of the relationship." said Casey. "I am surprised that I didn't dump him sooner."

"Relationships do get difficult when you are still a child at heart and the other is mature."

"So true." said Casey. "Do you think that I should consider finding someone who as the attention span of thirty-two?"

"I think you need to find someone who is right for you. Neither someone you have just met, nor somebody who cannot commit to anything." said Sweets.

"I suppose you are right."

"You know I am right."


	24. Molly: Week Six

_Molly – Tuesday 16:00_

Molly was in a really foul mood when she came into Sweets' office that afternoon. She looked tired and fed up and her mood was a concern to Sweets.

"The reason I am angry is because I had an argument with Jasmine." said Molly sharply.

"What happened?" said Sweets who was very interested to hear what this argument was about.

"I just got angry with her because she kept pestering me to play with her and I was tired and wanted to watch television so I wasn't really up for it. I told her to play with the cat and she kept bugging and bugging me until I snapped at her. I snapped at her again."

"Did you call her a bad thing?"

"No I just yelled at her to go away and leave me alone. She looked at me and told me she hated me."

"How did you feel when she said that?" asked Sweets.

"I felt guilty because I thought I had hurt her by rejecting her. I'm angry at myself not Jas. Jasmine just wanted to play and I yelled at her for no reason."

"The last time you yelled at Jasmine you attempted suicide."

"I didn't think about killing myself. I wanted to just curl up into a ball and sink into the couch."

"Do you know how Jasmine reacted when your dad carried the downstairs when you tried to kill yourself?"

"I think I remember going in and out of consciousness. I could see you and Dad but I couldn't see Jasmine."

"She was really worried you were going to die." said Sweets. "You weren't moving and Jasmine kept trying to shake you but your dad told me to take her away from you."

"Was she screaming?"

"She was crying. When the ambulance came she kept asking the paramedics to help you. Jasmine didn't want you to die. I think that reason she is getting clingy. Little kids think that if they cling onto someone they care about, then they won't die." said Sweets. "After you were taken to hospital, I stayed with Jasmine and she wouldn't stop crying until your mother came home and I had to tell her what happened."

Molly looked at him for a moment and lay down on the sofa. Her piercing blue eyes looked down in sadness and possibly guilt.

"Harry came to visit." said Molly.

"What happened?" asked Sweets.

"I opened the front door and saw him standing there. I think he was shocked by my appearance. I'm not exactly a rose at the moment, more like a shrinking violet."

"Shrinking violets are actually really pretty if you think about it. So what happened next?"

"Harry said hi. I said hi and asked him to come in. We briefly talked and then he asked what happened to me. I explained it was FAED; that I had depression and had tried to kill myself. Twice." said Molly. "He said that he heard and that he wanted to see if I was okay. Then I yelled him 'Do I look okay to you?'"

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I think I might I have a cold coming on." said Molly. "It maybe because of the lack of vitamins and minerals I have been receiving in the last six months or so."

"Possibly. So how did Harry react to you yelling at him?"

"He just took it. I think he felt guilty because he thought he caused my eating problems. I told him that it wasn't only him. Even though I was the one to break up with him, he thought that he had broken my heart." said Molly. "The reason I broke up with him because I thought he wasn't in love with me anymore. I don't think my head was in the right place because the reason I thought he didn't love me was because he didn't want to have sex. Admittedly, he was trying to study at the time so I guess that gives him a valid reason."

"Molly, do you think that you were trying to get pregnant again?"

"No. Even though I would like a baby eventuality, I am not going to have one now."

"Do you think the reason you want to become a nurse is because you have that maternal instinct?"

"I have a maternal instinct?"

"Of course you do. Your eyes have warmth in them."

"I thought I was always cold. Since I developed depression, I have been cold to everyone: my parents, Will, Jas, my friends."

"That wasn't you. Remember when you told me that you thought your parents didn't care about your broken arm because you were so depressed? Well, I think that you think you are so cold because of the depression taking over your mind."

"You said last week my mom and I have more in common than I knew. All I know is that Mom had a miscarriage – well an ectopic pregnancy – before I was born and I had a miscarriage."

"Your mom has had episodes of depression but they weren't as serious as yours."

"Mom had depression?"

"She had depression when she was your age. I'm not allowed to divulge in how she became depressed because I think that you should ask yourself."

"Did she let it consume her?"

"I wasn't sure about her teenage years but when she… Did your parents ever tell you of when they broke up?"

"Yeah, I had a school project once where you had to write about your parent's relationship. It was strange; I can never imagine them not being together."

"After the breakup she became unhappy and after the ectopic pregnancy she couldn't wrap her mind around it." said Sweets.

"I always thought I was like Dad."

"You do have some of your father in you – especially as a toddler –but you are completely your mother."

"Did my mom ever make her parents feel like they were bad parents?" asked Molly. "They are very good parents; they just kind of take their eyes off the ball for a moment which for some reason usually ends up with something bad happening."

"Do you feel like you have made them feel like they were bad parents?"

"I guess my suicide attempts made them feel like they had neglected me. They even said they were mad at themselves for it."

"But you cannot deny that they don't love you."

"I know they love me, but when you are so depressed and on the brink of suicide, you don't think about that. The depression, I think, is like the Dementors in Harry Potter. If you get near one, you'll never be happy again."

"Do you still feel like that?"

Molly nodded and looked at her nails. "I've tried talking to my parents, you… but nothing seems to work." she said.

"Do you feel the need to kill yourself?"

"No."

"Okay good, we're over that bridge. Maybe we could get you on the antidepressants to help."

"I thought the FDA didn't recommend antidepressants for minors."

"Not up to the ages of twenty-four. The main reason was because you were a suicide risk. I can give you a prescription if you want."

"I didn't want to try drugs at first because I thought they would make me worse but now I feel like I need a boost." said Molly.

"Okay, just be warned that they might not work as first and your parents need to keep an extra close eye on you."

"It's got to be worth a shot."


	25. Amie: Week Six

_Amie – Friday 14:00_

Amie had a doctor's appointment so Sweets thought he would catch up on some paperwork. He had to admit that the batch of patients that started six weeks ago were the toughest set yet. Casey seemed to be denying the possible problems that her new relationship could bring; Molly, while improving, was still struggling to come to terms with her eating disorder; Hamza's marriage had been officially wrecked and was beyond repair; Robert was not going to recover and Amie was struggling to recover.

His fax machine started beeping and Sweets took some sheets. They were some case notes that he would be required to look at and make a psychological evaluation on them. Sweets sighed and started to look through the notes.

Then his computer started ringing and he opened Skype. It was his daughter Allie.

"Hey Allie." said Sweets.

"_Hey Dad, what are you doing?" _asked Allie.

"Work. I tell you I think I need to retire after I finished thee set of patients." said Sweets.

"_Why?" _asked Allie.

"I'm just getting tired. I just deal with the same problems day in, day out. I care about my patients but I am tired. I've seen everything so there isn't much else for me to do." said Sweets.

"_I'm quite surprised Dad. I thought you loved your job." _

"I do but when you work long hours and you have seen countless murders that are often brutal, and you have had countless patients, half of whom get better, the other half I fail. I'm not as young as I used to be Als."

"_Harry told me that Molly was in therapy with you. Is she okay?" _asked Allie.

"She's a lot better than she has been but that is all I can tell you. Patient confidentiality."

"_Harry's already filled me on what happened. I don't get how someone as happy as Molly can try to commit suicide." _

"Things happen Als. Terrible things can make the happiest person depressed." said Sweets. "How's college anyway?"

"_It's as normal as it can be. Lectures, seminars, the usual." _said Allie.

"How are your grades?"

"_The standard. Cs and Bs."_

"You know you can do better than that Allie. What have you been doing?"

"_What students normally do. Drink, party, hangovers." _said Allie.

"Maybe you should spend time doing work than partying."

"_Maybe you should stop being an old fart."_

"I wasn't that much older than you when I got my PhD." said Sweets. "I've been doing this job nearly thirty years and I think it is time that I just give in and start working from home."

"_Thirty years isn't a long time Dad."_

"It is when you get yo my age kiddo."


	26. Casey: Week Seven

_Casey – Monday 13:00_

Casey was fiddling with a paper bag nervously and Sweets bit his index finger. "What is in the bag?" asked Sweets.

"I missed a period." said Casey.

"You think you are pregnant?"

"I know that it seems crazy considering what happened and what the doctor said, but I am as regular as clockwork. I literally just went to the chemist to pick one up so I haven't taken the test yet." said Casey.

"Have you had any other symptoms besides the missed period?" asked Sweets.

"I have been a little ill in this last week and I seem to be more fatigued than usual. Even after I was discharged and didn't take my sleeping pills, I wasn't as fatigued as I have been recently." said Casey.

"So why haven't you taken the pregnancy test?"

"I just told you. I have just come back from the chemist to pick one up. I haven't had the time to take the test. Also I don't really need the bathroom right now, hence why I have three bottles of soda to drink." said Casey pulling out a bottle of Diet Pepsi.

"You know you cannot drink those while you are pregnant."

"I may not be though. There is like a one in a million chance that I can get pregnant without treatment."

"I suggest that if the test is positive that you start buying lottery tickets." said Sweets. "How would you feel if the test was positive?"

"I don't know. Happy that I can get pregnant, but shocked that it happened so soon after I met Brandon." said Casey.

"You did mention that you didn't use contraception. You would be about five weeks if you are pregnant."

"Three weeks plus the two between the first day of my last menstrual cycle and the conception." said Casey.

"What would you feel if the test was negative?" asked Sweets.

"Disappointment I guess. I think it was my chance of having a baby and it would have blown." said Casey.

"If you want to take the test now, you can." said Sweets. Casey left the room while Sweets sat back in his chair.

This was not what he expecting. He wondered whether a baby was too soon for Casey; he wondered whether having a relationship and a baby was too soon. He couldn't help but compare Casey and Molly. They both seemed to be happy people until something happened that caused them to suffer. Neither were in the best position to have a baby. Sweets hadn't interacted much with them (even though he had known Molly since she was born) but could sense that they were sweet, intelligent individuals.

Casey came back in and put the pregnancy test on the table face down. "We have to wait about three minutes according to the instructions." she said.

After about two minutes, Sweets said, "Casey, are you going to allow Brandon to be involved with the baby if you are pregnant and you reach full-term?"

"Of course." said Casey. "I think parents have a right if they are good to their children."

"Do you think that he will be a good father?" asked Sweets.

"I think so. I'll tell him tonight about the fact I took a pregnancy test."

"Leave it ambiguous?"

"I'll fill in the rest when I find out the result."

"Okay. Do you think you'll be a good mother?"

"I hope so. I think I will." said Casey. "I think it is time."

Casey picked the test up face down still and gently turned it so the small screen was facing her. "Well?" asked Sweets. Casey nodded and put the test back down. "How do you feel now you have seen the result?"

"A little scared. I think that is expected though." said Casey.

"True. Are you absolutely one-hundred percent certain that you want to have this baby?" asked Sweets.

"Yeah. I think I am. This might be my one shot and I should take the chance." said Casey.

"Good luck. Kids are hard."

"You love your daughter though."

"Yeah."

_Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck.  
Some nights I call it a draw.  
Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle.  
Some nights I wish they'd just fall off._

_Fun. – Some Nights._


	27. Molly: Week Seven

_Molly – Tuesday 16:00_

Molly had collapsed again however this time she had fallen down the stairs and it had landed her on bed rest again. Sweets had to talk to the psychiatric doctor so they would not institutionalise her.

"Are you in any pain at all?" asked Sweets.

"I fell onto my wrist so it aches a bit." answered Molly. "Did you hear I was a suicide risk again?"

"Well, I mentioned the anti-depressants and the psychiatric assumed because of your past record that this was another attempt. I did say that –"

"During the first couple of months of use the risk of suicide increases. I know that. I have been a little irritable since being on the pills but isn't that part of the side effects?"

"It is, but you don't seem to be irritable at the moment. Have you and Jasmine made up?"

"Of course. I think when I sat down and talked to her properly, she understood why I didn't want to play with her." said Molly. "However I think my mom is struggling to cope with everything. When I was waking up after a nap on the couch on Friday, I could hear my parents talking and I think my mom was crying. I think I heard her say that she was tired and she is finding it difficult having to look after a six year old who could get sick at any moment and me. I'm driving my own mother insane. She's exhausted. The woman doesn't stop at all; I'm actually surprised she collapsed herself yet."

"Your mom is a tough woman."

"I know she is. I look up to my mom. She's dealt with a lot in her life and is still standing. Well, I think Dad had something to do with it. Let's face it; Dad is the rock in this family."

"Do you often think he needs to help?"

"My dad does help, however he needs to work as well. But the last person my dad was close to when they were ill died."

"Your grandfather?"

"Yeah. I think my dad is scared that if he gets close to Jas then she is going to get bronchitis or something like that. I was very close to my dad as a baby, toddler, child and teenager… Look what happened to me, I tried to kill myself twice." said Molly. "Do you want to know what I said when Dad found me after I had overdosed? I said 'Daddy, you don't have to worry about me anymore'."

"Meaning that he didn't have to worry about you dying because you would have already died if Jasmine hadn't mentioned the pills and alcohol."

"Pretty much. Mind you, Mom has always said that since she was pregnant with me, Dad has been neurotic. It's probably gotten worse since Jasmine had pneumonia or maybe since I was eleven."

"What happened when you were eleven?"

"It's kind of a funny story from my perspective but I had my first kiss at eleven. It was with Harry and we continued to kiss after that kiss. One incident was when I was at the lab after school; I wasn't doing anything just sitting around. Then Harry came in and I dragged him away and…"

"You kissed."

"Yeah pretty much." said Molly laughing slightly. "Dad caught us and I thought he was going to have a fit. The journey home was awkward to say the least. My dad is that dad who is protective when it comes to his little girl dating boys."

"I think a lot of dads are like that."

"I started liking men way too young I think. I might not have had depression if I hadn't developed those feelings so soon."

"Nothing is inevitable. You do have a family history of depression."

"I only know about my mom. Mom was adopted as you know so I don't know much else about my family history. I think that I might look like my biological grandmother, since I look like Mom aside from the hair and eyes."

"Does your mom ever talk about your biological grandmother?"

"No. I guess the meeting between them didn't go as planned. I know they met. Remember that project I told you about last week about my parents' relationship?"

"Yeah."

"It was all a part of a module about family and I had to write about my grandparents. Dad's parents: easy. Mom's side: not so easy. I was about nine at the time and I asked many questions. I remember when I talked about my parents, during the research I found Mom's birth certificate and at the bottom I remember it saying something along the lines of 'Department for Adoption and Fostering UK'. Being the curious girl I was I asked Dad about it and he confirmed that Mom was adopted as a baby and it was best not to ask my mom about it. To this day I don't know anything about my mom's biological side other than that my other biological grandfather was dead." explained Molly. "I never thought to ask. I was confused as to why my mom would be given up for adoption. Maybe it is a reoccurring trend: getting pregnant at a young age."

"So you are assuming that because your mom got pregnant at a young age and you got pregnant at a young age that it is a thing that only happens on your mom's side?"

"I guess. I know I cannot assume until I know but Mom doesn't want any of us – Will, Jasmine or I – to repeat the same mistakes that she did. I guess that means that as soon as Jasmine gets her period she is going straight onto birth control."

"I guess that sounds sensible but it cannot just be left up to the girls."

"I know," said Molly "but if it stops my baby sister from getting pregnant at sixteen then I am willing to do anything."

"How would you feel if she did fall pregnant at sixteen?" asked Sweets.

"I'd love her still. My mom always said that she wouldn't be happy but she'd still love me. I'd be the same with Jasmine. Honestly I would slap her around the head at first but I'd still love her." said Molly. She paused and took a deep breath. "Doctor Sweets, so you think I am ready to leave therapy?"

"Molly you've made a lot of progress in these last few weeks. I'm concern is that is you stop therapy then you may fall back as fast as you climbed."

"I'm eighteen though. I think I can make the right decision. You know when I was about thirteen I couldn't wait to be eighteen. As you know my birthday is in December and it was a couple of weeks after I had attempted suicide. You expect some life changing moment but I just didn't feel any different."

"I never really asked what your birthday was like."

"It was just a normal day; however I had a breakdown again. It was over this bracelet." said Molly holding up her wrist and there hung a charm bracelet. "My parents gave it to me as a gift and when I opened it, I thought I had hurt them deeply by trying to kill myself because I thought they didn't care. It took a lot to remind me that they did care. One of my friends at school has a mom that doesn't give a damn about her. She says that her mom loves her, but it doesn't mean she has to like her."

"You never realised how good you had it did you?"

"Not until then. I think you are right though, it's only been a few weeks since we got to the root of the problem. Couple more weeks should do it, I think."


	28. Amie: Week Seven

_Amie – Friday 14:00_

Sweets looked at the letter that Amie had presented to him and sighed, "The results are good. The hepatitis is reduced and your alcohol levels have gone down."

"So this means that I am cured." said Amie.

"Not quite, we need to get to the root causes still and make sure that you don't slip back into bad habits." said Sweets. "We need to talk about your relationship with your family."

"Oh great." she murmured.

"What caused you to become strained from your family?"

"I found out that my father was having an affair with another woman and I told him that he either tells my mother or I will. That was when I was pregnant with Adam." said Amie.

"Did he confess to your mother?" asked Sweets.

"No I did and she didn't believe me." said Amie. "She thinks that I was lying because I was seeking attention. I had been caught self-harming when I was a teenager so I couldn't be trusted."

"I can imagine that." said Sweets. "There was an incident when I was younger where my parents wouldn't trust me and they didn't believe anything I said."

"How did you get their trust back?" asked Amie.

"I sat down with them and explained to them why I lied to them in the first place. They forgave me and I was allowed to close the door again."

"Yeah because discussing it with my parents will fucking go down well won't it?" said Amie. "My mom hates me because she thinks I am shit-stirring and my dad hates me because I cannot keep my mouth shut. My siblings hate me because they think I was trying to break up their marriage."

"It's a stupid thing to hate you for. Your mother had the right to know that your father was cheating on her." said Sweets.

"Maybe if I provided evidence then she would have believed me."

"I doubt it because it's clear that they didn't trust you either way." said Sweets.

"Maybe I should have not self-harmed."

"There is that. Maybe you could all go into a group therapy session to discuss the problems together." said Sweets.

"You can try but I cannot see it ending well."

"How is your relationship with your son?"

"It's improved drastically now that the alcohol has been removed from the house. We actually spend time together."

"Well, I would call that an improvement. I think that you are okay to leave therapy if you want. You have recovered from you illness. However I think you need to keep going to AA meetings just so you have that extra support to help you overcome alcoholism all together." said Sweets.

"Are you sure?"

"I don't see what I can do for you. You have gotten the message that alcohol is bad, you have cut it out all together and your relationship with your son, which in my opinion is the only relationship that you should be focusing on."

"Right. Thanks I suppose."

"I'm always here to talk." said Sweets. "Call me if you need me."

_Standing in the hall of fame (yeah),  
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah),  
Cause you burn with the brightest flame (yeah),  
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah),  
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame._

_The Script ft Will. – Hall of Fame_


	29. Molly: Week Eight

_Molly – Tuesday 16:00_

Sweets looked at the file in his hand that Molly's doctor had faxed over and looked up at the young woman on the couch in front of him.

"So what did she say?" asked Molly.

"You have gained weight, your body fat has increased and your bone density has improved. Your blood pressure is up and so is your iron levels." explained Sweets.

"So I am better?"

"Not quite; these are only significant improvements, we're not out of the woods yet. Also, because Jasmine is ill again, you need to be kept an eye on."

"I know, but I am not feeling any need to starve myself. I have had moments with dinner but I still ate it. Even the cheese burger."

"I suppose it is stressful in your house at the moment."

"She is lucky this isn't as serious as last time. The shingles have knocked her about a bit, so she is resting. The first couple of days she was in hospital but she's recovered enough to be at home."

"Have you spent any time with her?"

"Yeah. However, since my immune system isn't as strong as it was so I cannot afford to get shingles. I'm a little hungry, am I okay to eat in here?"

"Sure." said Sweets and Molly pulled a small bag of chips out of her bag. "Did you have lunch?"

"Yeah but it is a snack hunger."

"Have you asked your mom about why she was crying?" asked Sweets.

"She thought she was sick again. She had presented the some symptoms but the doctor said she is just exhausted and now Jasmine is sick, she is going to be even more exhausted." said Molly. "But I think she decided that she needed help while Dad is at work since Grandma has come to help out. Mainly she has to make sure Jasmine is recovering. Turns out that Jas inherited IgA deficiency from my grandfather. It is why he deteriorated so quickly when he had cancer."

"Is your grandmother aware of what has gone on with you?"

"Grandma could tell that I wasn't well when I wasn't eating my food at Christmas. I did manage to eat the majority of it though. I didn't mention I had felt run down that day and I had a bit of a fever that day. I think she knew I had some sort of eating disorder. When I explained why I had to take the rest of the year off, she had that look as if to say she knew. She says I look better though."

"You had a fever at Christmas?"

"Jasmine had a cold and developed a slight fever. We were in that car for a couple of hours but that was enough for me to catch the cold. It put a bit of a damper on things." explained Molly.

"Did anyone believe you were sick?"

"My temperature was one hundred and four so I think they were convinced. You know when I said I was crying in the bathroom, I felt frustrated because I had no control of my body. I felt flushed and dizzy, and I needed to control it." said Molly.

"Molly, did you try to make yourself throw up?"

"Yeah. I don't know why it decided to do it but I couldn't do it. I could not bring up the food and I felt guilty about trying to make myself throw up."

"That is why you broke down."

Molly nodded and said, "I swore to myself that I would never become like that but look at me now I am in therapy because of it."

"I know I said that you weren't anorexic or bulimic, but have you ever been on one of these 'pro-ana' websites?"

"Huh?"

"I assume that is a no. These websites claim to help girls with eating disorders, but they unintentionally drive those girls further into making themselves thin."

"I've heard of them but I wouldn't go onto them. I did accidently see a girl at school go on one website and I felt the need to stuff my face after seeing it. Some of the images did not look natural."

"You do know why I asked you this right?"

"On the websites there are crash diets. You know where people reduce the amount of calories that they eat drastically. I think you are assuming that I may have used them at some point."

"I can see you have not been on them. What are you going to do about school?"

"I don't want to go back to Hallam. I know that changing schools may stress me, but I think that I would feel more comfortable in a new surrounding where no one knew that I tried to kill myself. I won't have to face people asking me questions. Gossip spreads fast around Hallam."

"What about the scholarship?"

"I don't think it'll hold a place for me. I know that I am better. I feel better but I don't think that I am able to deal with a load of people asking me questions. I've talked about this with my parents and they think it might be a good idea."

"What if the kids at this new school ask you why you are a year older than the rest of them?"

"I might just say health problems. It's correct to what I have had."

"Do you think that I was right to recommend that you should pull out of school for the time being?"

"It's given me some space to think things through. I have done some work but that is only recently. I have been out of bed a lot more these last couple of weeks."

"Do you think it is because you are trying to put on a brave face for your grandmother that you have felt better?"

" I beg your pardon."

"Sometimes terminally ill patients experience a high before they take a severe turn for the worst. You may feel better but I think that you are trying to make yourself feel better."

"Like a placebo?"

"Kind of like that."

"Do you think I need to tell her what exactly is wrong with me?" asked Molly.

"Maybe you could do with the extra support before you take a turn for the worst. Right now, you are improving and since your sister has been unwell, some of that support has been taken away. Jasmine cannot help being ill, it is a part of who she is."

"I know. Look, you and I know we have made some progress here and I think I am going to try to be independent. I'm eighteen and I cannot rely on my parents forever."


	30. Molly: Week Nine

_Molly – Tuesday 16:00_

"You don't look well." said Sweets.

"I went out to a party last night, and I have a hangover." said Molly.

"Is that really a wise idea since you are on antidepressants?"

"Probably not. I just needed to get out for a while."

"Did you tell your parents where you were going?" asked Sweets.

"No. I snuck out. I thought that if I just went out without telling someone then I would feel like I had some independence."

"Did it work?"

"No. I got way too drunk and ended up in bed with a boy. I cannot remember a thing but I think we had sex and I consented to it."

"How did you feel about it?"

"Empty. It felt different from when I was with Harry. With Harry, it felt right. With this person, I felt a little dirty. I felt like I had done it because I had to, not because I wanted to."

"Did he pressure you into doing it?"

"No, we got talking and then we kissed and we went to the room and did it. After, I just got dressed and left. He tried to get my number but I just went out the door. It was hard to run because I was wearing this stupidly tight dress that Dad would disapprove of me wearing anywhere. I got home and passed out on the bed. I think my parents guessed that I had been out because of that dress."

Molly looked down at her beige flats and said, "Do you know what the worst part is? He said that I fuck as if I have been sexually abused. Sorry."

"You fuck as if you have been sexually abused? What was that supposed to mean?"

"I guess it was because I had no emotion while doing it. I did say something back like maybe he shouldn't have been a shit fuck then. Sorry, again."

"Okay, Molly, you don't have to apologise for swearing in here. I can take it." said Sweets. "Molly have you experienced any form of sexual bullying?"

"Do you mean have I ever been raped? No, I haven't." said Molly. "Though…"

"Though what?"

"The reason I had to quit ballet was because one of the coaches tried to molest my friend when I was fourteen. He kept asking her to stay after the lessons and he said she needed extra lessons. I waited behind because we would normally walk home together. While he was putting her in the right position, he touched her."

"He touched her where?"

Molly nervously pointed to her chest and said, "Here."

"So, what happened after?"

"I remember being scared and after I had skipped dinner, Mom asked me what was wrong. I explained and she pulled me out the next day. We didn't tell Dad because I knew he would hit the roof at the thought of me potentially getting sexually assaulted. I was always nervous about having older men around me after that."

"I think that is understandable. Did you make a statement to the police?"

"No. I know I should have but I didn't want to relive it at the time."

"Did the experience change your attitudes towards men and sex?"

"You remember when Allie was raped?"

Sweets tensed a moment but nodded.

"Well I knew how she felt somehow. I know that my coach didn't go all the way with my friend but that guy was in a position of trust and I felt like he had betrayed that by touching her." said Molly. "Dad kept checking on me after Allie was raped and I still didn't tell him about what happened. Am I making you uncomfortable by bringing this up?"

"Yeah. I guess because it is my daughter and I was extremely angry at the fact that someone had violated my daughter like that. I think you are more scared at seeing your father angry, because he has never been angry with you or anyone."

"I know my dad and he would not be angry in front of me."

"Do you ever get angry? I don't mean like when you snapped at Jasmine."

"I guess. I think I get angry at myself more than with other people. After I had lost the baby, I remember being angry with my body for not being able to keep it in."

"Molly, you have to remember that miscarriages are often the result of too few chromosomes. It wasn't your fault."

"You're right. I guess I got angry at Jasmine, but I think I hated that she got a lot of attention rather than her. I know that it sounds selfish because she is can get sick at any moment, but I feel like I needed that attention as well." said Molly.

"How is Jasmine?"

"She's better. However, she is very weak and tired all the time. She's okay though. She's eating, which is more than what happened last time." answered Molly. "Mom's a lot better now she has had the chance to rest and take some time for herself."

"Have you spoken to your grandmother about your own health issues?"

"I can't. I don't want her heart to break at the thought of her favourite grandchild trying to kill herself." said Molly.

"Molly, I'm sure that she knew something wasn't right with you. You said so yourself."

"I know, but have you ever told someone who means that much to you about trying to kill yourself?" asked Molly.

"No."

"You say that as if you have tried to kill yourself."

"I was in an extremely bad place where I thought no one loved me. It took a strange dream to realise that I have a chance to find love."

"Sounds familiar." said Molly smiling slightly.

"I know. I think that if your grandmother knows about your condition, then telling her would not break her heart as much." said Sweets.

"We're looking to go on holiday when Jas gets better. Somewhere warm with no stresses. It would do Jasmine some good and it'll give my parents some space to be together. I would rather they do it than be divorced."

"I guess that is better." said Sweets. "Is your grandmother coming?"

"Someone has to look after all of us." said Molly. "I guess that this holiday would help me as well. I will talk to Grandma about it but I just don't think now is the right time. I think next week is when we can go on holiday. I might not be here next week."

"You know where the phone is if you need to talk to me."

"I know. Thanks for everything you have done for me. I honestly think that I would have died without you helping me to discover my illness."

"It had to be done." said Sweets.

_You said love was letting us go against what  
Our future is for...  
Many of horror.  
Our future's for many of horror._

_Biffy Clyro – Many of Horror_


End file.
